


This Charming Life

by taragraceknowles



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, Mention of past attempted rape, Murder, Self-Harm, Sexual Assault, drug addiction/abuse, mention of past abortion, mention of past stalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-04-15 11:38:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4605279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taragraceknowles/pseuds/taragraceknowles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU Jax and Tara have a daughter named Mabrey who is two years younger than Thomas; all family/friends/club members who died in the series are still alive in this story except for John Teller. Contains many flashbacks. *please be aware of trigger warnings for sexual assault, self harm, and drug addiction*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crimson and Clover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jax and Tara's son Thomas graduates from high school; flashback to when Jack and Tara meet for the first time

"She wasnt exactly sure when it happened. Or even when it started. All she knew for sure was that right here and now, she was falling hard and she could only pray that he was feeling the same way."

-Nicholas Sparks,  _Safe Haven_

* * *

 

 "I can't believe you're graduating today." Tara smiled as she greeted her son, and gave him a hug.

"Neither can i, actually." He laughed.

 After his older brother, Abel, dropped out of high school during his junior year, Thomas and his family we're both skeptical he might do the same.

 "Well you did it, son. Make us proud," Jax grinned.

 Mabrey, the daughter born to Jax and Tara two years after Thomas was born, walked into the kitchen just then.

 "Mom, do you think this dress is cute for the graduation later?" Mabry asked her mom.

 "I think it's maybe a little too risqué," Jax joked with her.

 Tara glared at Jax and laughed.

 "You look nice, honey." Tara assured her.

 Mabrey was wearing a soft black dress that showed off her petite figure and came down to a couple inches above her knees.

 "Thanks mom," She smiled.

 Mabrey left to go back to her bedroom to finish getting ready. She was going to be at a graduation ceremony full of the siblings and families of the graduates, probably including multiple teenage boys. She wanted to look outstanding. As she walked to her room, Thomas followed close behind but went into his own room. He sat down on his bed and contemplated how his life was heading. It seemed as if everything was going perfectly so far, he graduated from high school with decent grades, he was accepted into the University of San Diego, and he was going to follow in his mother's footsteps and study to become a doctor. Not a surgeon, of course, he didn't have the steady hands for that. He wanted to be a pediatrician. Something about it just interested him. Helping kids, possibly saving one of their lives. He knew that he was headed in the right direction in life. His father didn't pressure him to become a club member, but he knew he didn't want that life. Sometimes it seemed attractive to him, all the women and the booze. He wanted to do something more with his life though.

 "Y'know, two more years and we'll have this house all to ourselves," Jax shared his sudden realization with Tara.

 "Just you and me," Tara smiled. "Let's not rush it though, Mabrey still has two years of high school. We'll missing having a kid around someday."

 "Yeah," Jax agreed. "We're getting older," He laughed.

 Tara sighed. Where did the time go? They could both still remember the moment they met. When the bad biker boy turned shy for once as he tried to get his crush's attention- the smart, perfect Tara Knowles.

* * *

 

"Hey, um. Tara, right?" Jax tried to get her attention as she was pulling out books from her locker, in a tone of voice that she and probably no one else had ever heard come out of him before.

 Tara moved her locker door so she could see the person who had said this. When she realized who it was her eyes went big and she got nervous.

 "Jax, yeah. What is it?" She returned the shy voice.

 "I, um.. I wanted to ask you if you'd wanna go out with me tonight?" Jax asked with an unsure voice.

 "Wow, yeah. Sure. I'd love to," She answered.

 Was she imagining this? Did Jackson Teller really just ask her out on a date? Thee Jackson Teller? How did he even know who she was? She was just the quiet, intelligent girl who studied all the time and always got good grades.

 "Great," Jax smiled the sweetest, most charming smile she had ever seen.

 After school he came by her locker again.

 "Need a lift?" Jax asked her with a twinkle in his eyes.

 Tara couldn't help but smile at him.

 "That'd be lovely," She accepted his offer.

 They walked away from her locker together, and Jax grabbed her hand. She gripped his hand in return. She felt so giddy, a feeling she'd never felt before in her life. She couldn't believe this was even happening. Pretty much every girl in their school would've said "yes" to a date with him, and yet he chose her. Tara Knowles. The studious, invisible, generally unknown Tara Knowles. Not that she didn't have any friends, she just rarely went to parties or to events with big groups of people. She was someone who preferred to stay at home and study or watch TV than to go out and party.

 "Alright, jump on behind me and hold tight," Jax told Tara as he helped her up on his motorcycle.

 This was Tara's first time riding a motorcycle and she loved it. She loved having a reason to hold on so tight to Jax, and she loved the wind on her face. She felt so free, so alive. In this moment she felt like nothing else mattered. They rode on the highway for awhile and then down the side streets. Jax took her to clubhouse.

 "Wanna come in and meet everyone?" Jax offered with enthusiasm.

 "Sure," Tara didn't really want to, but she wasn't going to turn down a chance to be with Jackson Teller.

 Jax lead her across the parking lot and into the clubhouse. A couple of bleach-blonde women standing outside smoking greeted her as they walked in.

 "Hey guys, this is my friend Tara," Jax shouted to everyone in the clubhouse once they arrived inside.

 "Hey," Tara smiled and waved.

 "Ahh, Jackie Boy, you got yourself a girlfriend aye?" Chibs, a member of the club who had a heavy Scottish accent and a scar on his face shaped like a permanent smile, remarked.

 "Not just yet, we'll see about that," Jax replied and smiled at Tara.

 Everyone who was inside the clubhouse smiled at Tara. They all seemed so nice and welcoming. Jax guided her over to a stool at the bar and they sat down next to each other. The skimpily-dressed woman behind the bar slipped them both a beer and winked.

 "Is it always like this in here?" Tara asked, laughing.

 "Yep," Jax answered. "Always a party in the Sons of Anarchy clubhouse." He smiled.

 They drank their beers and the bartender was over soon enough to give them both a refill.

 "We should go dance!" Tara suggested enthusiastically as she made note of the loud music playing.

 She was being a lot more outgoing than usual because the alcohol was having an effect on her after her second beer. All she wanted to do was laugh and dance. Jax, on the other hand, was barely phased by the two beers. He naturally liked to party and have fun though, so Tara's drunk personality was fun for him.

 "Anything for you, darling," Jax took her by the hand and they went out to the clear space in the middle of the clubhouse.

 The song "Crimson and Clover" by Tommy James and the Shondells was playing as they danced together. Everyone was watching them and they clapped and cheered them on.

 "Quite the party girl," Tig said quietly to Bobby with a smirk.

 Little did they know, she rarely ever partied. The alcohol and the atmosphere of the clubhouse were really having an effect on her, in a good way. She felt so free and alive, just like when she was on Jax's motorcycle. When the song ended she hugged Jax.

 "Thank you so much for asking me to come hang out with you tonight," Tara said in what apparently was her 'drunk voice.'

 "No, thank you for coming,"Jax said. "I was afraid you might turn me down."

 Tara gave Jax a surprised look.

 "Oh, please," She said. "Who would turn down Jackson Teller?"

 They both laughed. It was soon reaching midnight and they had school the next day, so Jax gave her a ride home. Her house was pretty close to the clubhouse and Jax had only drank a couple beers, so he thought it would be fine to give her a quick ride home on his motorcycle.

 "Alright, here we are," Jax stood up off his motorcycle and helped Tara off.

 "Thanks Jax," Tara said. "Tonight was wonderful."

 Jax walked her to up her porch and kissed her. Just then a man came to the door and opened it up.

 "Tara, is that you? Where the hell have you been?!" The clearly drunk man screamed at her.

 Tara looked nervously at Jax.

 "Um, that's.. he's my dad," Tara informed Jax as she looked at the ground.

 Jax worriedly looked back and forth between Tara and her unstable father.

 "Tara you better get that boy the hell out of my yard right now!" Her dad yelled.

 "Jax, I'm so sorry.. I'll see you tomorrow at school. I'm sorry," Tara said as she quickly walked inside the house.

 Jax walked back to motorcycle that was parked on the street in front of their house, and he could clearly hear loud yelling coming from inside the house. He couldn't sleep that night because he was so worried about her. He thought about how maybe he shouldn't have left her. He thought about how he should've let her sleep over at his house. Sure his mom wouldn't have liked that very much, but maybe she would allow it if she knew about her situation at home. There was nothing he could do now though.

* * *

 

"Presenting the class of 2002!" The principal of Charming High School announced.

 The audience cheered, with the loudest cheering coming obviously from the Teller family section. Gemma was cheering so loud it seemed as if she wanted all the attention to be on her rather than the graduating class.

 "Congratulations!" Thomas's family all exclaimed to him as he walked out to them.

 "I'm so proud of you," Gemma told him as she squeezed him with a hug.

 "Attaboy!" Clay patted his shoulder as Gemma finished up with her hug.

 "Hey, I have a surprise party waiting at the clubhouse," Clay said to Jax and Tara in his deep, raspy voice.

 "Sounds fun," Tara approved as she nodded toward Jax.

 They all partied at the clubhouse until late into the night. They were all occupied with their own things; Gemma and Clay we're chatting with all the club members, Mabrey was flipping her long, shiny blonde hair as she talked to a couple of the boys from Thomas's class who had come to the party, Thomas was smoking cigars with all of his fellow graduates who attended the party, Abel, who was a prospect for the Sons of Anarchy, was flirting with some crow-eaters, and Jax and Tara were drinking at the bar. The song "Crimson and Clover" started playing in the clubhouse.

 "Oh my god," Tara said, becoming very nostalgic.

 "Let's go dance," Jax said with a huge smile as he helped Tara off her barstool.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first story on AO3, I hope you enjoy it! The story kinda goes back and forth between flashbacks and the present time that it is in the story (more so in the later chapters to come) so sorry if that's confusing at all. Suggestions as well as criticism are welcome.


	2. Kidnapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback of Jax cheating on ex-wife Wendy; Jax receives a threatening phone call

"Growing up is losing some illusions, in order to acquire others."

-Virginia Woolf

* * *

 

Jax woke up early the next morning in one of the extra bedrooms above the clubhouse, with Tara sleeping heavily beside him. He wanted to let her sleep off her probable hangover instead of waking her up, so he walked downstairs himself to brew some coffee. As he walked down the stairs he could smell the intense smell of bacon and eggs cooking.

"Oh, hey mom," He greeted Gemma.

"Hey son," She replied. "Coffee?"

"Yeah, please," He answered as he sat down at a bar stool in front of her.

He looked around the room and noticed that there were people passed out everywhere. On top of the tables, on the ground, along the bar, everywhere. As he looked further across the room he noticed his son, Abel, passed out on top of a pool table next to an almost naked woman.

"Kid fits in a little _too_  well," Jax mumbled to himself as he shook his head.

Gemma overheard Jax while she was pouring his coffee and she smiled.

"Following in your footsteps, huh?" Gemma asked, handing him the coffee.

Jax nodded.

"Unfortunately," He said as he took a sip of the freshly-made black coffee.

"You know, you used to be just like that," Gemma pointed out. "Always drunk, spending the night with girl after girl," She continued. "But look at you now, you're a proud family man. With three great children," She finished. "I'm proud of you, sweetheart."

* * *

 

 

Jax walked upstairs, with a tall, attractive blonde woman following close behind him. He knocked on the first door of the spare bedrooms upstairs.

"Occupied!" A woman's voice yelled from inside the room.

Jax knocked on the next door. The silence that followed signified there was no one in the room, so he opened the door and he and his date for the night walked in together.

"So, what's your name?" Jax asked the woman.

"Ima," She replied with a smile that gave off a devilish vibe.

"Nice name, Ima," Jax said to her with a grin as he gently pulled her towards him to kiss her.

"Likewise, Jax," Ima pulled away from the kiss for a second to say.

Jax picked her up so that her legs were hugging his waist and he kissed her neck, sucking it over and over. He went back to kissing her mouth, inserting his tongue and moving it passionately against hers. He carried her over to the bed and laid her down on it. He got undressed, taking off his kutte first; then his shirt, pants, underwear, and shoes. Ima rid herself of her clothes quickly and laid on the bed, watching Jax as he undressed. Jax took a condom out of his pocket and put it on himself. He jumped on the bed, with his hands and legs on the outside of the outline of her body. He kissed her gently, then he started to push his penis inside of her. He thrusted it in and out of her, causing her to squeal.

"Shhh," Jax put his finger up to his lips. "I don't want anyone to find out I'm with you instead of Wendy."

* * *

 

 

Jax almost blushed a little at what she said. Gemma could be so sweet when she wanted to be, but when she wasn't she was the total opposite.

"Isn't it a little early to be gettin' this sentimental?" Jax joked.

Gemma gave a sharp nod at him.

"You just drink your coffee," She replied as she offered a slight smile.

Tara walked down the stairs next. When she arrived at the bottom of the stairs she looked around, confused.

"Come on over here and sit next to Jax,sweetie. I'm almost done making breakfast," Gemma said warmly to Tara.

Tara walked over to them, holding her head to try and ease the pounding headache that had formed overnight.

"Hey guys," Tara greeted wearily as she took on a seat on a barstool next to Jax.

"Sleep well?" Jax asked a question he was pretty sure he already knew the answer to.

"Eh, I slept alright," Tara responded, still holding her head in discomfort.

Gemma slid over two plates of eggs and bacon to Tara and Jax. She went out near the center of the room and started banging a spatula against a pan to get the attention of the dead-looking people.

"Wake up, breakfast is ready!" She yelled.

Multiple obnoxiously loud groans filled the room. Many of them ignored Gemma and went back to sleep, but a select few woke up and ate some breakfast.

"Oh shit," Jax said under his breath as his phone started ringing. "Who would be calling now?"

Jax stood up and stepped outside to take the call, flipping open his phone and pausing for a second before speaking.

"... Hello?" He finally asked.

"You have thirty minutes to get over here and save your daughter," was all the person on the other line spoke.

Jax drew his eyebrows together and pulled the phone back from his ear to look at the number. It was a number he didn't recognize, but had the correct area code for Charming, California.

"Who the fuck is this?" Jax demanded as he peaked inside the clubhouse to see if he could see Mabrey, but ended up with no luck.

"Come to 4305 San Joaquin Avenue," the mystery voice said and hung up the phone.

"Shit!" Jax yelled loudly as he threw his phone to the ground.

"Did anyone see Mabrey leave this place last night?!" Jax screamed as he entered back into the clubhouse.

Tara stood up slowly off the barstool and gave Jax a concerned look.

"Why?" Tara looked around the room, checking to see if she saw Mabrey. "Who was that?"

"Some dumbfuck just called and told me I have half an hour to go save her," Jax announced.

He went over to where Opie was laying on the ground and kicked him.

"You're coming with me, brother," He told Opie.

Opie sat up on the ground and used a chair nearby to help him stand up.

"Got it," He replied as he rubbed his eyes.

Opie had been Jax's best friend ever since they were little. They grew up in the clubhouse. Both of their fathers, Piney Winston and John Teller, were apart of the first nine members of the Sons of Anarchy. Even after John died, Jax's step-father Clay became the king of SAMCRO. They were destined to be members of the club together. They did everything together. They went to the same elementary school, middle school, and high school- they even both dropped out of high school together during the middle of their sophomore year. They were blood brothers. They _are_  blood brothers.

Opie dug his motorcycle keys out of his pocket and held them in his hands.

"Where is it we're going?" He asked Jax.

"Down a few blocks to San Joaquin Avenue," Jax answered.

Gemma stood by the bar watching them, looking noticeably worried.

"Let's go," Jax said.

Him and Opie walked outside the clubhouse without saying anything to Tara or Gemma. They hopped on their motorcycles and started them, pulling out of the parking lot and speeding down the road. The anger that boiled in Jax's blood motivated him to ride even faster. He had known before the pain of having his own child abducted, about twenty years back when Abel was kidnapped and taken to Ireland. He was practically fuming with anger. He was going to find out who took his only daughter, and they were going to pay dearly.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, hope you enjoyed! ;)


	3. Dead Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabrey undergoes a traumatic experience

"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds."

-Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral's Kiss

* * *

 

 

Jax and Opie rushed down the streets on their bikes. Jax had flashbacks to when Abel was kidnapped. He thought of how he felt, how strong the emotions were. It brought him back to a dark place. He never wanted to remember that feeling again. Those of feelings of guilt because he knew there was a way to prevent or stop it. The feelings of anger he had toward Tara because he thought she could've done more to stop it from happening. She was there in the room when it happened, after all. Jax wasn't really mad at her for it still, but when the emotions he felt from Abel's kidnapping we're stirred up again he felt slightly angry at her. He felt bad for feeling that way toward her. He loved Tara. He loved her a lot, more than anyone else he's ever loved before.

* * *

 

"You better not tell your father about this," an older man with a swastika tattoo on his chest warned Mabrey.

Mabrey heard what the man said but she couldn't respond. Everything was blurry for her, even her thoughts were clouded. She tried to move her legs but she couldn't. She tried to move her arms. Again, nothing. She tried to scream but nothing would come out. She was paralyzed.

"Don't worry darling, this'll be over before you know it," the man took a long draw from his cigar and put it out in the ashtray on the counter behind him, blowing the smoke into Mabrey's face.

She tried so hard to scream, to move, to do anything with her body that involved voluntary movements. She couldn't. She saw the strange man walking up to her in slow motion, as if everything happening in front of her was a stop motion. She was so frustrated she couldn't stand it. She was screaming a blood-curdling scream on the inside but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get it to actually come out of her mouth. She felt a tear come out of her eye right eye. The tear was almost comforting to her, it let her know she could still feel and do _something_  with her body.

"Ready, sweetheart?" He asked as soon as he took his pants off. "I think you're really gonna enjoy this."

Mabrey was freaking out inside. She thought she was dying. She felt her heart racing and she felt tears making their way out of her eyes but she still couldn't move. She felt the man touch her. He kissed her on the lips for a few seconds. He then proceeded to do what would have a horrific lasting effect on her for the rest of her life. It burned. It was the worst thing she felt and there was nothing she could do about it. She cried and cried, she had never had a bad experience that even came close to this one. She again thought she was going to die. Deep inside she kind of wished she would die- then she would stop experiencing this horror. She lost track of the amount of times the man raped her. She was starting to wonder if it was even possible to still be alive at this moment. After a while she blacked out.

* * *

 

Jax arrived to the given address first, followed closely by Opie. They got off of their bikes and ran up to the house. Jax viciously knocked on the door with all his force.

"Let me in!" He yelled.

A man answered the door, acting as if he wasn't expecting visitors at all.

"Hello?" He asked the bikers right away.

Jax shoved him out of his way and ran into the house.

"Where is she?" He demanded.

"Upstairs," the man answered calmly.

Jax ran up the stairs to go find his daughter while Opie stayed downstairs to interrogate the guy.

"What's your deal, man?" Opie asked him. "You regularly kidnap teenage girls?"

The man shook his head.

"Nah," He answered, calmly again. " there's something I want from the Sons of Anarchy. And just so you know I'll come after your wives if you don't fulfill my request, I know who they are. Tara Knowles and Donna Winston."

This struck a nerve in Opie. He punched the man across the face as hard as he could and knocked him down to the ground. A huge relief left his body as he punched the man.No one brought the families of their club into their business issues.

"What the fuck did you do?" A distraught Jax yelled as he came down the stairs with his daughter's limp body in his arms.

Opie stared at Jax shocked, with a tear forming in his eye. He looked back and forth between Jax and his daughter.

"Is she.. alive?" Opie asked nervously.

"She's alive but she's unconscious," Jax answered. "This asshole gave her something." Jax said with an anger in his voice as he looked at the knocked-out man on the floor next to Opie.

Opie gave the man a hard kick even though the man was also unconscious from his punch.

"I say we take him back to the clubhouse with us, get some answers out of him," Ope suggested.

Jax nodded.

"Call someone at the clubhouse and have them bring the van over," Jax told him.

Jax sat on the ground against the wall, staring at his daughter. How could he let this happen to her? How could he let someone kidnap her so easily and drug her? He thought about the fear she must have felt last night. No teenage girl should ever have to feel that type of fear.

Opie dialed Juice's cellphone number and held his phone up to his ear.

"Come on.." Opie said impatiently.

A voice finally responded on the other side.

"Hey, Ope," Juice said.

"Juice, I need you to bring the van here. We're at 4305 San Joaquin Avenue," Opie stated. "Come as quick as you can." Opie added as he hung up his phone.

"How could I let this happen?" Jax asked out loud. "How could I let it happen _again_?"

Opie swallowed hard and sat down on the ground next to Jax.

"You didn't know, Jax," Opie tried to comfort him. "None of us know how it happened. And we probably couldn't have stopped it from happening either. Y'know, sometimes when a person is on a mission they'll get something done regardless of how much work it'll take. He must have had a solid plan. It's not your fault, brother. Trust me," Opie finished.

Jax wanted badly to argue with him but he knew Ope was only trying to make him feel better. He knew he could have stopped it. He was supposed to be protecting his family, not letting them be taken away from him.

"Thanks brother," Jax replied quietly. "This man's got some shit about to come to him. I'm not letting it go this time. This man willnever come after our club or our families again when I'm through with him," Jax said through gritted teeth.

Juice pulled up on the grass in front of the house with the club's van. He got out and ran up to the house, opened the door, and looked with wide eyes at the picture before him. A strange man with a bloody face on one side of the room, Opie and Jax sitting on the ground on the other side, Mabrey laying limp across Jax lap with her head supported by Jax's arm.

* * *

 

"Thanks for comin'," Ope said to Juice as he stood up.

He walked over to the kidnapper on the other side of the room and picked him up to take him to the van.

"Who's that?" Juice asked as he stared carefully at the strange man.

"The man who kidnapped my daughter," Jax answered as he stood up, carrying his Mabrey in his arms still. His voice was overflowing with hate.

"Shit.." Juice whispered.

Juice stood outside the house and kept the door open with his arm so Jax and Opie could carry the two unconscious humans to the van. Jax came out of the house first with his daughter, holding her close to him. He opened up the doors to the back of the van, got in, and sat down with his daughter still in his arms. He didn't want to let go of her, not after what had just happened. He didn't trust himself enough to not lose her again. Opie followed behind, carrying the cringe-worthy man's body. He put him into the back of the van as well.

"Put him as far away from her as possible," Jax told Ope.

Opie nodded. He put the body as far to the edge of the van as he could. Juice closed the door to the house and ran to the driver's side of the van. Opie closed the doors to the back of the van and walked up to the passenger side of the van. He got in next to Juice and closed the door. Juice zoomed away from the house, wanting to get away from that place as soon as possible. He headed toward the clubhouse so they could take care of this problem with the rest of the club present.

* * *

 

"Alright, we're here," Juice yelled back to Jax as they arrived at the clubhouse.

Opie got out of the car and opened the back doors, grabbing the unknown man. Jax got out of the van holding his daughter and rushed into the clubhouse. Opie and Juice followed close behind him. As Jax entered the clubhouse all eyes we're on him and Mabrey. Everyone's faces formed into expressions of shock and horror. Gasps escaped from many of their mouths. Tara ran over to Mabrey and started sobbing. She felt her pulse and learned that she was alive, bringing a semi-relief to her. She still didn't know why Mabrey was laying there limp, or what had happened to her while she was missing.

"Jax, I need to bring her to the hospital. We don't know what happened to her. I can sneak her in privately without anyone knowing," Tara insisted.

Jax nodded. He hated bringing the police or the hospital into any of their problems, but this time it was a must. The hospital, that is. This was his daughter, he couldn't fuck around with this. She needed hospital care.

"I know," He finally spoke. "No need to keep it a secret, she'll get better care if she has a few doctors working with her than with one."

"Thank you," Tara said to him. She was worried he might try to keep their daughter's need of medical care a secret. "I'll call the hospital and let them know we're on our way."

* * *

 

Mabrey awoke in her hospital bed, screaming. Jax was sitting next to her with his head resting against the wall, trying to get some rest. His eyes popped open when he heard the scream. Tara was wearing her scrubs, standing outside the hospital room chatting with one of her coworkers. She ran into the room as soon as she heard a scream come from inside the room.

"What happened?!" Tara frantically yelled.

"I had a bad nightmare," Mabrey responded. "I.. this guy, he took me. He told me it was his uncle's house. He left me there. His uncle was a monster. He attacked me," She started to cry. "It was so intense. I could feel the life escaping my body. It was so real. He attacked me, over and over." She finished. As she was saying it she realized it wasn't only a dream though, she felt the pain in her body. Real, physical pain. Her chest tightened. It was hard to breathe. She just now realized she was laying in a hospital bed. Was she alright? She took note of her condition. She was wearing a hospital gown, laying in a hospital bed. She had an IV stuck into the top of her hand.

"What did the man do to you?" Tara asked gently, focusing solely on Mabrey.

"He.." Mabrey gulped. "He raped me."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intense chapter. Loosely based on the season two storyline of SOA with Gemma and the white supremacists


	4. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jax gets Revenge on the man who assaulted Mabrey

 

 

"Revenge is an act of passion; vengeance of justice. Injuries are revenged; crimes are avenged."

-Samuel Johnson

 

* * *

 

Jax's eyes grew with such passionate infuriation as he stood up from the plastic hospital room chair.

 "He did _what_?" Jax asked Mabrey.

 Mabrey looked down at the recently discovered IV sticking out of her hand.

 "He told me not to tell you," She answered, beginning to cry.

 Jax walked over to the opposite side of the room and kicked the wall. He could feel his blood boiling beneath his skin, he was so angry.

 "Jesus _Christ_ ," He whispered. "Dammit!" He yelled out.

 Tara leaned over and gave Mabrey a hug, making sure to be careful of her IV. She didn't know exactly what to say to her, but she knew she needed comfort and compassion. She thought about the time that her former stalker, John Kohn, had attempted to rape her. It was something that she barely talked about, but she was constantly thinking about it. His face haunted her both in her thoughts and in her dreams. She hated him with a hot, steaming passion. She didn't regret shooting him one bit. She didn't regret aborting his baby. She didn't regret anything she had done that hurt him. Not because she was sadistic, but because he had caused _her_  so much pain. She couldn't even imagine what her daughter must have been experiencing right now. She was d _rugged And raped_. What a horrible phrase. The thought of it made her stomach churn with digust and made her suddenly nauseous. Tara started to cry too as she held her daughter tighter in her arms.

 "Juice," Jax talked into his phone. "Whatever you do, don't let that man move. I need him to be right there in the clubhouse when I get back. And I need him _alive_ ," Jax said in a quiet voice.

* * *

 Jax stormed into the clubhouse and into the back room where his daughter's rapist was being held captive. He was tied down to a long, wooden table with a sturdy-looking rope. Jax got up close to the man and gave him an intimidating look.

 "You _raped_ my _daughter_ " He said, his voice overflowing with emotion and rage.

 The club members all exchanged expressions of shock. The only thing there knew about the situation before was that Jax's daughter was kinapped and drugged.

 "Do you even how badly this is going to affect her for the rest of her life?" Jax asked him, staring straight into his eyes. "How deeply disturbed do you have to be to even do something like that? You're a fuckingdisgrace," Jax told him. He spit on the rapist's face.

 Jax turned around to all the club members watching. "Happy, knife?"

 Happy nodded and grabbed a knife to hand over to Jax. Jax nodded back at him. Jax usually used a gun when he had to kill someone, but he knew a gun wouldn't do the job this time. He needed to use a knife. Killing with a knife is just so much more personal. He would be able to feel himself the knife sinking into his body, the life leaving the person's body as it sunk in deeper.

 He stuck the knife slightly into the man, which caused him to yelp. "Why did you do it?" Jax asked him. "Why?!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, twisting the knife deeper into the man's skin.

 The man cringed in pain, his face distorting in reaction to it. "The niggers," He said, speaking unclearly due to the pain he was experiencing.

 "Huh?" Jax lowered his eyebrows in confusion.

 "I want you to stop being allies with Oakland," the man responded.

 Jax raised the knife out of his skin and stabbed him again, close to the first stab wound. "Rot in _hell_ you nauseating piece of shit!" He yelled, stabbing him again and again. He zoned out as he stabbed him, focusing completely on the rage and disgust that he felt against the monster lying before him. He stabbed him repeatedly until he was able to see the life leave the man's eyes. As he drew the small, sharp knife out of his body for the last time he breathed heavily. He laid the knife on the table, sitting down on a nearby chair to catch his breath. His son, Abel, stared in awe at what his father was capable of doing. He had been a prospect for only a short amount of time and this was the first time he had witnessed anything like this. He of course was outrage too, this man raped his sister. He felt like he needed to do something, like he should've assisted in the killing. He stared blankly at the bloody body laying across the table. " _Will I ever have to do something like this someday?_ " He wondered to himself.

 Clay walked over to his stepson and rested his hand on his shoulder. "You did right, son."

* * *

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tara asked in a soothing voice, as she pushed some of Mabrey's hair back behind her ear.

 Mabrey shook her head, crying. Tara stared down at the ground. She couldn't stand seeing her daughter like this. Her daughter used to be so happy, so full of life. Now she seemed so hurt and full of sadness. She knew she was never going to be the same.

 Tara sighed. "I'll go grab you a sleeping pill so you can try and get some sleep tonight," Tara gave Mabrey a slight smile as she stood up from the hospital bed.

 Mabrey nodded as she wiped away the tears from her eyes. She hadn't spoken since she announced earlier what had happened to her last night.

* * *

Jax and Opie sat alone at the clubhouse bar, both with a small collection of beers sitting in front of them. They were completely silent, but inside their minds they were both painstakingly loud with their thoughts.

 Gemma walked into the clubhouse from the parking lot, sticking her pack of cigarettes and her small, plain black BIC lighter into her purse. She stared glumly at the collection of beers on the bar counter as she made her way toward Jax.

 "You should go get some sleep, baby," Gemma rubbed her hand against his back. "You're gonna want to go visit Mabrey tomorrow morning."

 Jax took a long swig of beer, staring emotionless at the large selection of liquor ahead of him on the bar's shelves.

 "Yeah," He answered faintly. He stood up and gave his mom a quick kiss on the cheek. He walked past Opie, patting him firmly on the shoulder. "See ya, brother."

* * *

"Good morning, babe," Tara greeted Mabrey when she saw her head pop up from her plain white hospital bed pillow.

 Tara hadn't slept a wink last night, she was so consumed by her thoughts that they kept her from doing anything else. She just sat there next to Mabrey all night staring blankly at nothing in particular.

 "Good morning mom," Mabrey managed to slip out from her mouth.

 "Hungry?" Her mom asked her.

 Mabrey shook her head. She had lost her appetite permanently ever since the man who smelled strongly of cigar smoke had attacked her. Even if she did become somewhat hungry her appetite quickly faded when his face came back into her head.

 Jax opened the door to his daughter's hospital room, walked in, and closed the door back with caution in case either Mabrey or Tara were sleeping. When he noticed they were both awake he made his way to Mabrey to say hello to her.

 "Hey darlin'," Jax said with a gentle voice as he bent down to kiss her on the forehead.

 He turned around to Tara and kissed her on the forehead as well. She looked so restless to him, like she hadn't slept for weeks.

 "Can we go talk out in the hallway for a sec?" He asked her.

 Tara stood up without responding and they walked out to the almost empty hallway. It was barely after 6 AM, so most of the patients were most likely still sleeping. As soon as they got out to the hallway and closed the door Jax started talking to her in a hushed voice.

 "He's taken care of," Jax began his statement with.

 Tara nodded slowly. After years of being married to a member of the Sons of Anarchy she had learned to know what "taken care of" meant.

 "The club is taking care of the remains," He explained in an extraordinary quiet voice. "We don't have to worry about that asshole ever again."

 "Good," Tara responded. "That's good." She brushed her hand down the back of her hair.

 She didn't want to know what Jax actually did to the man, but she imagined what might have happened. She pictured Jax cutting off the guy's dick, piece by piece. This sounded brutal, but she knew how Jax was when he became outraged. And this was his _daughter_. She knew that whatever he did it must've involved torture.

 "So, did you sleep last night?" She asked her husband, trying to change the subject so that the images of torture would leave her mind.

 "Barely," He answered. "You?"

 "No," Tara shook her head. "I didn't even try."

 "Mabrey knows about not involving the cops with anything right?" Jax asked in again a very hushed voice, remembering what he meant to ask right after he talked about Mabrey's attacker being "taken care of."

 "Yeah," Tara replied. "Soon after I came to the hospital with her last night Wayne checked in and asked her a few questions. She told him she wasn't interesting in pressing charges or anything."

 Jax looked down at the ground and nodded. He also knew that Mabrey would never be the same as she was before two nights ago. None of them would probably be the same. The club had seen some disturbing shit throughout the years, but nothing as personal and damn _heinous_  as this. This didn't even come close to anything Jax had seen before. And although he didn't actually witness it, he _knew_ about it. He saw the pain in his daughter's eyes. He knew she was deeply emotionally wounded.

 

 

 


	5. Gone Without A Trace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to Gemma's assault; Tara runs away.

"You get hit the hardest when trying to run or hide from a problem. Like the defense on a football field, putting all focus on evading only one defender is asking to be blindsided."

-Criss Jami,  _Killosophy_

 

* * *

 

Gemma stayed at home with Mabrey while Tara and Jax were at the clubhouse. Mabrey had been home for three days already, but it was still hard for her to move around because of the soreness. She felt hopeless, she was so physically and emotionally injured that she felt like she wasn't even a person anymore. She felt so surreal, like everything that happened for the last couple of days was only a dream or a book that she was so drawn in by that it seemed to be her reality. Gemma sat with Mabrey as she rested. She didn't know much how to react either. This was her sweet, innocent fifteen-year-old granddaughter. Just by looking at her she could tell that something was different about her. She knew that the minute the man attacked her he took away her innocence. She knew it all too well.

* * *

Gemma snuck into the backdoor of her house, being extra cautious.

"Shh, my parents are sleeping, we can't wake them up," Gemma told her boyfriend. "Let's go down to the basement," She told him, closing the door carefully behind them.

When they got down to the basement they sat down together on an old, worn-down looking couch that was toward the edge of the wall. They started kissing, her boyfriend stroking his hand through Gemma's long, soft black hair.

"Are you a virgin?" Her boyfriend asked her.

Gemma paused and pulled back from the kiss, shocked. She knew what sex was of course, but she didn't think people her age actually _had_  sex.

"Well, yeah," Gemma said, gulping from nervousness. "Aren't you?"

Her boyfriend laughed, as if to mock her. He sat on her to stomach to hold her in place as he roughly took off her pants and her underwear. He turned back around to face her, grabbing her neck and holding it down, resulting in a choking noise that came from her throat. He forced his finger inside her. She felt a harsh pain. She felt something click in her mind, as if she could feel herself transforming from the trauma. She wouldn't wish this upon anyone. He hadn't actually used his penis, but she still felt deeply traumatized by it.

* * *

Gemma stared in an empathetic way at her granddaughter. She thought deeply about what had happened to her when she was younger. She never told anyone about it, causing her to bottle up her feelings of intense anger and depression. She started drinking and smoking at a young age in response to her assault. It changed her and affected her life immensely- it was the reason she became associated with SAMCRO, actually. During the dark days of her deepest depression she spent most nights at the bar until late into the night, where she met John Teller. They met outside the bar during a smoke break. They started making small talk, with John saying the first words. She could still remember the feeling she got when she saw him smile at her for the first time. She instantly fell in love with him, she felt like there was someone who finally truly cared about her. He was the person who had taught her to feel happy again.

 She laid down next to Mabrey on her bed and stroked her hair. "I love you, sweetheart," Gemma said as she kissed the side of her head.

* * *

Tara and Jax sat at the clubhouse bar together, drinking their sorrows away. They felt responsible for what happened to Mabrey and they couldn't be convinced otherwise. They let their sweet little girl be transformed into someone who was angry at the world, who had all of the joy sucked out of her life.

"You know this was because of the club," Tara finally said to Jax.

"What? Tara, the club didn't do this," He retorted.

"I don't mean directly. I mean that this happened because you're apart of the club-"

"So you think this was all my fault?" Jax questioned in a loud voice.

Tara gulped. She didn't think it was Jax's fault, but she thought it was his fault for not getting out of the Sons of Anarchy years ago like she had asked him and over and over again to do. This wouldn't have happened if Jax wasn't apart of the club anymore.

"No.." Tara said softly. "I just, I think that if we weren't associated with this place anymore." She stopped without saying the rest.

Jax clenched his jaw. He knew she was right, but he hated to think about it. He hated how his family was being hurt because of his choices. It should've been him who got hurt that night, not his daughter. Jax nodded at Tara without looking at her. He stood up and walked away to go to one of the bedrooms upstairs, he needed some time alone.

Tara stood up too- she went outside to get some fresh air. She started walking down the sidewalk. She didn't know exactly where she was planning on going, but she just wanting to keep on walking until she out of this filthy waste of a town. She hated what this town had turned her and her family into. Deep down inside she still loved Jax a lot, but she hated him for what he had made this family suffer through. She had stuck by him before and was willing to stick through anything else that might come their way, but this time it had gone _way_  too far.

She had been walking for a while when she reached a shopping plaza with stores lining the street on both sides. She walked down the strip of stores, watching a couple of people walk in and out of the stores. It was getting to be kind of late, so it was pretty cleared out for the most part. As she passed by a few more shops she started to smell a strong cigar-smelling stench. Something in her body told her to stop at the store. She peered into the cigar shop's window, seeing multiple cigars lined up on a shelf. She looked over slightly and saw a man inside the shop behind the counter, staring intently at her. She walked inside the shop. As she checked out the man behind the counter, what she saw next sent a shiver through her body. _It's that goddamn swastika tattoo._  She reached into her purse, pulled out her gun, and pointed it at him.

"Woah, slow down there sweetie. Take all the cigars you want, no need to kill anyone," He smirked.

"Don't play stupid with me, you know I am. And I know what your scumbag friend did to my daughter," She informed him, still holding the gun toward him.

The guy put his hands up as if to surrender. "I don't know what you're talking about, " He said plainly. "But if you would like, I can let you try one of our locally-made cigars," He added.

"I don't want your damn cigars," Tara said with an anger in her voice. She looked around a minute, scoping out the shop. There was no one in there besides her and the man behind the counter. She saw a sign above his head that read _Zobelle's Cigars: The Finest Cigars in Charming._ "Zobelle," Tara said, reading from the sign. "That your name?" She asked.

The man got nervous and swallowed loud enough for Tara to be able to hear it. She pointed the gun straighter at him, watching as his face turned into an even more nervous expression. She closed her eyes and she shot the gun. Bang. She shot once more to make sure he was dead. Both bullets ended up going into his head. She quickly stuffed the gun back into her purse and walked out of the store without looking back. There were two people across the street crouched down on the ground trying to protect themselves from the heard gunshots, but neithet of them seemed to notice her or realize it was her who had shot the bullets. She took her chance and ran. There was no way she could come back now. She paused for a second. _What about Mabrey?_  She couldn't just leave her. She got to the end of the strip of stores and leaned against side of the last store so that she was hidden. She held her head in her hands and began sobbing.  _What have I done?_

"Ok, ok," She whispered to herself. "I can do this." She sniffled and wiped away her tears. She continued to walk. After about five more minutes of walking she reached a sign that said _Thank You for Visiting Charming._  She rolled her eyes.

"Hi, I'd like a room for five nights," Tara told the hotel clerk once she reached the nearest hotel. "Whatever you have available is fine." She started to grab her credit card but put it back quickly, realizing she could be traced through her purchases.

"Um, is it ok if I just pay for one night as of right now?" She searched through her purse, grabbing a wad of money that Jax gave her a few days ago from a payment he received after selling guns.

The clerk looked at her, surprised at the amount of cash she holding in her hand. "Yeah. That's fine, as long as you pay for rest before you leave."

Tara slid over the money to pay for the one night.

"Name?" The hotel clerk asked her.

"Jennifer Smith," She said the first name that came to mind.

"Alright," the clerk smiled. "Enjoy your stay."

Tara returned a slight smile and took her room key. She made her way up the stairs to her second-floor room and got her key ready to open up the door. When she got inside she sat down on the bed and sorted through her purse to count out how much money she had left. " _Shit_ ," She said out loud. She only had enough money left to pay for one more night. She laid down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling, noticing a couple of brown spots that must have been caused by roof leakage. " _What am I doing?_ " She kept asking herself. This wasn't like her. This wasn't like her _at all_. She always worried about her kids before she thought about her herself or anyone else. She felt as if she was going crazy. Her head starting spinning. She was sweating from everywhere, but she wasn't hot. The sweat felt cold as it dripped down every inch of her body. Her eyes blacked out for a second and het vision kept going in and out. Her body went limp as she became too exhausted to even move.

* * *

Jax woke up to a loud knocking on his door. He had left the clubhouse the night before and came home, where he slept in his bed alone. Gemma offered to stay the night with him and Mabrey but he rejected her offer and told her she could go home.

He sat up in his bed and sighed before standing up. He looked over to the other side of bed and noticed Tara wasn't there. He stood up and made his way to the door, squinting his eyes to get them to adjust to the bright sunshine seeping through the windows. When he opened the heavy, wooden front door to his house he saw Officer Hale standing outside, waiting.

"You're under arrest for the murder of Ethan Zobelle."

* * *

Tara awoke early the next morning in a hospital bed. She knew that she was at St. Thomas because she recognized the room design. She was beyond confused- she remembered nothing from last night. She remembered everything up until she walked into the hotel room, but after that, nothing. She looked around the room and saw that she was by herself.

"Nurse?!" She called out.

A nurse hurried into her room, a nurse that was familiar to her. It was Beth; a nurse that she was somewhat friends with.

"What happened?" She asked Beth, with a noticeable crease in her forehead caused by her puzzlement.

"You've had a heart attack, Tara."

 


	6. Dina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abel has a new girlfriend; Jax is arrested.

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."

-Roald Dahl

* * *

Abel pulled up to the driveway of his small, light brown house on his motorcycle with a skinny brunette girl holding on tight to his back. She was one of the younger girls in the group of crow eaters. She had shoulder length, soft-looking light brown hair and the biggest, most radiant brown eyes Abel had ever seen. She was very skinny but had a slight hourglass figure, and wasn't afraid to show it off either. Her name was Dina, Dina Sanchez. She was ravishing; she was the human form of an angel in Abel's eyes. She and Abel met at the clubhouse of course. It started with a quick nod at each other every time they passed one another to a smile and a shy "hey," and progressed into something more romantic.

"So, this is your house?" Dina asked, stepping off Abel's bike.

"Yep," Abel nodded. He couldn't wait to get inside the house with Dina and spend some time with her. They were trying to keep their relationship more on the down low as of right now, although most of the club members had their speculations, so the time alone they were able to sneak in now and then was very precious to both of them.

"It's cute," She giggled a little. She really did think it was cute. It was smaller than most houses, but it still looked big enough to have everything essential inside for one person to be living in it. It had a small wooden porch in front of it, big enough to fit maybe three people comfortably.

Abel walked up to the door and unlocked it with his key, holding the door open for Dina. "Ladies first," He smirked.

"Oh, I see I've found myself a gentleman," She laughed as she walked into his house.

Abel smiled as he watched her walk into the house. He was so damn attracted to her, he swore she was _perfect_. He thought she might even be the one; he found that not only did he want to constantly have his hands on her, but he also loved talking to her and wanted to know everything there possibly was to know about her. Something about her just made him so goddamn in love with her. In fact, it was _everything_ about her. Her hair, her face, the way she walked, the way she talked.. everything. He had never felt this way ever before in his life.

Abel and Dina made their way over to his bedroom. As soon as they were there Dina grabbed hold of Abel's hands and looked deeply into his eyes. "Stay right here, I have a surprise," She told him with a twinkle in her eyes. "Brownie points if you get undressed while I'm gone." She smiled.

Abel felt so genuinely happy for once in his life. He had butterflies dancing around in his stomach, the kind that you hear about in all the love stories. He smiled when she left, thinking about what was going to happen when she came back. He undressed completely and laid down on the bed.

Dina pranced back into the room, excited to see Abel's expression at what she was wearing. It was a pair of red skimpy panties and a red lacey bra, with a lighter red see-through cloth hanging down from the bra. It looked wonderful on her, she looked like a Victoria's Secret model. "Surprise!" She yelled as she was back in the room with Abel.

Abel's eyes went wide. "Wow, babe. You look great.. honestly, the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." He smiled sweetly at her as she laid down on the bed next to him.

He kissed her- a passionate, sensual kiss. Unlike the numerous one-night-stand kisses he had in the past, this one really mattered. He felt something deep in his heart as he was kissing her, and he could tell she felt the same. He moved his tongue gently around inside her mouth and stroked his hand through the back of her hair. He stopped kissing her for a moment to say "I love you, babe." He gazed into her gorgeous brown eyes. He gazed over her whole face; she was beautifully glowing with happiness. He kissed her neck, moving his kisses from one section of her neck to the next. Once he got to the back of her neck he started sucking lightly and then slowly building up to more intensely, making sure that the soon-to-be hickeys were in a place where she could easily hide them if she wanted to. He moved his hand down her body, feeling every crease and every bump there was on the way down. When his hand reached her butt he left his hand there, squeezing it and rubbing it gently. He slid his hand into her vibrant red panties and slipped them off.

She used her legs to help kick them off, causing them to fall to the floor. She wrapped her legs around his and moved the front of her body back and forth over him, focusing on where his privates were.

It was such a slight movement, but it turned him on so much. He flipped her over so that her body was on the bottom rather than his. He scooted down the mattress so that he was near the foot of the bed. He lifted her legs up in the air and placed them on his shoulders, so that one of her legs was on each of his shoulders. He rubbed his tongue over her clit ever so slightly.

A shiver ran through her body. She was in such ecstasy that she couldn't hold it in any longer. She screamed loudly with delight as her SAMCRO-to-be boyfriend pleasured her.

He moved his tongue in a circular motion around her clit, making sure to put a small amount of pressure on it with his tongue. He moved down below her clit, keeping his tongue on her the whole time. He ran his tongue across her hole. He moved his tongue inside of it, keeping in there for a few seconds as he moved it around. He moved his tongue in and out of it a few times. He crawled back up to the head of the bed, giving Dina a quick kiss on her cheek. He put his penis inside of her, moving it slowly in until the whole thing was inside. They both moaned with delight while it lasted for the next few minutes.

He pulled it out and laid down next to her on the bed. They were both out of breath. He watched her chest as it moved up and down, trying to regain it's normal breathing pattern. He grabbed her hand and kissed it softly.

"I love you," Dina told him. "And boy are you good.." She giggled.

"Well I _am_  third generation SAMCRO," Abel stated proudly.

"Third generation SAMCRO _prospect_ ," Dina reminded him with a smile.

Abel glared at her, a humorous glare that had no anger behind it at all. 

They smiled lovingly at each other. They never felt closer before than they did now in this moment.

Abel's phone started ringing from the pocket of his pants that were laying on the ground. "Oh shit," He mumbled, not wanting to get up to answer his phone. He leaned over the bed and reached his arm out to grab his pants. He got his phone out of the pocket and answered it. "Hello?" He asked.

"Hello, this is St. Thomas hospital. I'm calling to inform you that your mother, Tara Knowles, is here due to a heart attack," the woman answered.

"Jesus Christ.." Abel whispered. He hung up the phone and turned back to look at Dina. "Sorry babe, but I'm gonna have to leave. My mom had a heart attak and she's in the hospital."

"Oh god.." Dina said quietly. "I understand," she added, trying to be comforting. "Is it alright if I sleep here for a few hours? I'll leave late in the morning."

"Yeah, that's fine," Abel answered. He hurriedly threw his clothes back on and grabbed his keys. "See you later, hon."

* * *

"Are you alright mom?" Abel asked, rushing into the hospital room where his mom was staying.

Tara face lit up with a smile when she saw Abel. "Hey baby. Yeah, everything's fine. I just have to take it easy for a few weeks."

A relief washed over Abel's face as he heard the news. "That's great, mom." He came and sat down next to his mother, running his hand down his face. "Where's dad?"

"I don't know," Tara shook her head. "I told the nurse to have the girl at the front desk call him. He must be sleeping or something," She tried to ignore the thoughts of why else he might not be there. She felt paranoid. She thought a police officer was going to walk in at any minute now to arrest her. She murdered someone. She was a cold blooded killer in her mind.

"Yeah," Abel agreed. He sensed there was something wrong but he didn't know what. He figured it was probably because of what happened to Mabrey. No one had been acting like their usual selves ever since it happened.

* * *

"Hey, honey," Gemma yelled as she walked into the house, setting her keys and purse on the kitchen counter.

"Grandma?!" Mabrey shouted from another room.

A disoriented look appeared on Gemma's face as she made her way back towards Mabrey's bedroom. She peeked into Jax and Tara's room on the way to see if either of them were there.

"Hey sweetie," Gemma greeted Mabrey without a change of facial expression. "Where the hell are your parents?"

"What do you mean?" Mabrey looked confused. "They're not here?"

Gemma swallowed hard and turned her head back for a second. She didn't want to worry Mabrey. "Yeah, I'm just gonna go make a couple of phone calls. I'll be back in a minute, sweetheart."

Gemma made her way back to the kitchen, huffing with anger. She grabbed her phone out of her purse and dialed Jax's number first. She held it up to her ear, ready to yell at him once he answered.

_Ring ring_. The noise repeated faintly from the distance.

"What the-" She hurried over to where the source of the noise was coming from, ending up in Jax and Tara's bedroom. "Jesus _Christ_ ," She said under her breath, seeing Jax's phone laying on the nightstand next to his and Tara's bed. _Why the hell would he leave his phone at home?_  She hung up and quickly dialed Tara's phone. "Pick up, dammit."

Tara reached over to her purse on the table next to her hospital bed and grabbed her phone out of it. " _Shit_ ," She said, looking at the caller ID. She opened her phone and placed it on her ear. "Hey, Gemma," She greeted nicely, trying to mask how bothered she was. She had so much going on in her life right now, and Gemma was the last person she wanted to be talking to.

"Tara, where are you?! What kind of mother just leaves their daughter home alone when she's-"

"Home _alone_?" Tara asked. "Wha- where's Jax?" She stumbled over her words.

"You mean he's not with you? He left his phone here at your house," Gemma became worried.

"No.. I haven't seen him since yesterday evening. I'm in the hospital, I had a heart attack last night," Tara informed her.

Gemma raised her eyebrows as her anger at Tara suddenly all washed away. "Oh- shit are you ok?" She asked in a worried tone.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just need to rest for a while. No permanent damage," She explained. She was trying to keep a conversation but her head was spinning with ideas of why Jax would leave his phone at home and leave Mabrey there alone. Some kind of emergency probably. _But what?_  Club emergency? She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment while she thought.

"Tara? Are you still there?" Gemma asked, mildly irritated.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry," Tara shook her head slightly to shake out the thoughts. "What was that?"

"I said I'm gonna call Clay, see if he knows where Jax is. I'll call you later if I find out anything," Gemma repeated.

"Ok. Thanks Gem," Tara hung up the phone and looked over at Abel as she sighed.

"That was your grandmother. She said your dad isn't at home with Mabrey, he left his phone at home too. Do you know anything about that?"

"No.. no I don't. That's weird. You think it's something bad?" He asked Tara.

"I hope not," Tara stared at the hospital room door, thinking. Why was everything happening _now_? Everything was so calm for a while, so happy. And now all _this_.

* * *

"Where were you last night around 8 PM?" Officer Hale questioned Jax.

"Clubhouse. I've got witnesses if you need them," Jax answered intimidatingly.

"Well that's not what two workers at Zobelle's Cigars said. They say they saw you walk into the shop and shoot Ethan Zobelle right then and there." Hale already knew who he believed. Jax had a known record of being a criminal- murdering Zobelle didn't come to him as a surprise at all.

"That's bullshit. I was at the clubhouse almost all night. I don't even know where that cigar place _is_ ," Jax retorted.

"I've heard all I needed to hear. Thank you, Mr. Teller," Hale said as he stood up.

"What, that's it? You're not even gonna ask for _my_  side of the story?" Jax yelled angrily. He knew in his heart he didn't do this. He was framed for a _murder_.

"As of right now you'll be placed in a jail cell until we complete a full investigation. You're our number one suspect right now," Hale told him, grabbing handcuffs to used on Jax.

* * *

Dina sat on the bed in her boyfriend's house, staring out the window. She was fumbling around a bag containing a deadly light brown powdery substance.

She loved Abel so much- he was her first true love. She couldn't let him down. She couldn't pull him into her fucked up reality of addiction and deep mental issues. She took out of pinch of the powdery substance and moved it around between the tips of her fingers. Her eyes watered at the thought of Abel knowing her secrets. She couldn't do this anymore- it was either she lose the addiction or she loses Abel.

 

 


	7. All Fall Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abel finds out Dina's dark secret; the club finds out that Jax is in jail.

"Love till you hate, strong till you break, know that we all fall down."

-One Republic, _All Fall Down_

* * *

" _Dammit_ ," Dina whispered. A couple hours had gone by and she was still sitting on the edge of the bed tossing the bag of heroin around in her hands, shaking now. "Dammit..." She whispered again, more quietly this time. Tears began to form in her eyes and one fell down onto her hand, running down the side of it until it eventually fell to the floor.

Her shaking began to intensify and she began tossing the bag around faster. She got an anxious feeling inside her body that she felt impossible to control. She couldn't handle it anymore; she needed it. She needed it _now_. She reached into her purse and grabbed a spoon. She poured some of the powder substance into the spoon and took a water bottle out of her purse, pouring a small amount of the water into the cap and then onto the spoon. She took out a small lighter and held it underneath the spoon until all the powder was dissolved. She grabbed a cotton ball out of her purse and ripped it in half, putting one of the halves into the liquid in the spoon. She gulped as she took the syringe out of her purse. She stuck the needle into the cotton, transferring the liquid from the spoon into the syringe. She set the spoon on the nightstand and the syringe on the bed next to her, grabbing Abel's belt off the floor to tie around her arm. She picked up the syringe and stuck the needle into the first visible vain she saw on her arm and closed her eyes. "I'm a goddamn junkie failure," She thought to herself as she started injecting the poison into her bloodstream.

"Fuck.." She whispered in ecstasy as she fell back onto the bed. Then she felt it all at once. An exhilarating rush, too strong to ever be able to be put correctly into words.

* * *

 Abel sat in the hospital room with Tara as she napped, leaning his head back on the wall and staring up at the ceiling. Tara's phone began to vibrate on the table, moving slightly with each vibration. Abel looked over at his mom, who appeared to be in a deep state of sleep. He reached over and grabbed her phone, answering the call and bringing the phone up to his ear.

"Hello?" He asked quietly so he wouldn't wake her, standing up to step out into the hall.

"Abel? Where's Tara?" Jax asked in an angry, confused tone.

"Dad? Where have you been? Mom had a heart attack, she's in the hospital and I'm here with her." Abel couldn't help saying everything he wanted to say all at once.

"Heart attack..?" Jax questioned slowly in disbelief. He hadn't seen or heard from Tara once since she left the house, and he was still kind of angry at her. The only reason he called _her_  phone is because he thought she might be the only one at this time to not overreact or freak out at the fact that he was in didn't know how to respond to this.

"She's fine. She's resting right now. I think she can actually go home soon," Abel stated.

"Good.. that's good." Jax had negative feelings for her at the moment but still couldn't imagine being without her. He waited a long pause before telling Abel the reason he called. "Well, um.. son, I need you to do something for me."

Abel nodded even though Jax wouldn't be able to see it.

"Stay calm, but I'm in jail right now. I didn't do anything, but I was framed. For a murder. I haven't been officially charged with anything yet, but I want you to let everyone know what's going on. Can you do that?" Jax asked calmly but with meaning.

"Yeah.. um, of course dad. You can count on me," Abel replied shakily.  _What the fuck is going on with this family?_

* * *

 Mabrey laid in her bed, staring at absolutely nothing as her mind went wild. What if he comes after me again? What if he tries to kill me? What if he got me _pregnant_?

She grabbed her phone off the nightstand next to her bed and opened up the internet. She typed into Google  _"How to have a miscarriage."_

" _Vitamin C_ ," She whispered out loud. " _Caffeine_.."

"Well that's pretty easy, right?" She asked herself. "Orange juice and coffee. I guess it doesn't get any easier than that.." She agreed.

She placed her phone back on the nightstand and slid down further in her bed to get comfortable. She put the covers over her face, suddenly crying uncontrollably. She couldn't breathe and the tears poured from her eyes as they created streak marks on her face, but she made no sound. She didn't want Gemma to hear her cry.

* * *

 Abel walked back into his mom's hospital room, put her phone back where it was, and kissed her forehead. He left the room quietly so he could go to the clubhouse and let everyone know what was going on with Jax.

As he headed toward the clubhouse, he stopped by his house first to take a quick shower and to put on some clean clothes.

He arrived at his house, stepping off his bike and making his way up toward the door. As he walked in he yelled Dina's name to see if she was still there, but got no response.

He thought she probably left by now, but went to check in his bedroom anyways. He walked in and saw her laying on his bed still, sleeping.

"Dina, it's one in the afternoon," He said loudly in order to wake her up. She didn't respond at all to this, she stayed laying on the bed and making no movement whatsoever.

Abel moved closer to her in confusion. "Dina?!" He yelled, grabbing her arm gently to shake her.

"Whaa.." Dina responded very slowly and very quietly as she still appeared asleep.

"What the-" Abel could tell there was something wrong by the way she responded. He glanced over and he saw the syringe on the table.

"Oh god.. oh god. No." Abel frantically said as he looked back and forth between Dina and the syringe. "Dina!" He shouted. "What the hell did you do?!"

He laid down next to her on the bed and he started crying. "How could I let this happen to you..." He spoke out loud.

He ran his hand through his hair and stopped halfway to grab a chunk of his hair. He released it after a second and brought his fist down beside him on the bed.  _Seriously, what the fuck is going on?_

He cried for what seemed like only a few minutes but was probably an hour or longer.

Dina slowly opened her eyes and turned over on the bed, startled to see Abel's laying next to her but too tired to jump.

"Abel..?" She asked, her voice groggy-sounding.

Abel clenched his jaw in anger. "Dina," He stated. "What the hell did you do?"

Dina's eyes popped open as she suddenly remembered what went on earlier. "Oh my god.." Dina stood up and grabbed her purse and her clothes as she made her way to the door. She couldn't handle Abel knowing the truth.

"Dina, wait!" Abel demanded as he stood up and took a few steps closer to where she was.

"Abel, I know what this probably seems like, but.." She didn't know how to finish her sentence.

"But what?" Abel questioned. "You're a junkie? I know that stuff when I see it. Don't lie to me."

Dina dropped her stuff on the floor and put her hand to her face as she started to cry.

"Abel, please.. don't be mad at me,"

Abel _was_  mad. His face began to soften as he saw her tears. He swallowed hard and walked back to the bed. "Come on," He offered gently, patting the bed next to him. "Sit down."

She paused as she wiped her eyes dry and cautiously made her way to the bed and sat down next to him. She looked up at his face, waiting for him to say something.

"When did it start?" He questioned, bracing himself as he wondered whether he actually wanted to know the answer to that.

"A few years ago.." She answered as she remembered the first time she ever tried it. She would give anything to take back that moment from her life.

* * *

 "Hey guys, this is Dina. She's our new dancer. She'll be working nights," the tall, slender woman with long blonde hair introduced, flashing a smile to Dina and then to the other strippers hanging out in the back room.

She smiled back at them, carefully studying each and every girl who sat in front her presenting a welcome, yet fake-looking smile. One of them stood up and made their way toward her, their face still plastered with the overdone smile. She put her arm around Dina, guiding her to the bright green, comfy-looking couches that were occupied with four women with plastic skin and shiny hair.

"So, new girl," She finally spoke. "This your first time as a dancer?"

Dina nodded and replied a quiet but audible "yes." She had taken ballet lesson ls from the time she was in kindergarten up until senior year of high school, but she knew this isn't what she meant when she said dancing. The woman was talking about a _different_  type of dancing.

"I see," the girl replied as she offered a warm smile. "Well, we were just about to break out the brown sugar," She stated. "Have you ever tried it?" She asked, holding up the bag of what looked like actual brown sugar.

Dina replied with a puzzled look on her face. "No.." She answered, not realizing at all what the substance actually was.

The strippers all glanced at each other with smirks. "Well you're in for something _special_  then," one of them finally told her.

* * *

 "I tried it thinking it would be the only time. People say it's addictive, but I didn't believe that. I thought I had control of myself. But that one time.. I became addicted. Intensely. I would cover up the track marks by either wearing long sleeves or using makeup concealer." She stared down at the floor, afraid to see Abel's expression. "I was clean for a little while, but I relapsed. It's been an ugly cycle of trying to quit but repeatedly going back." She started crying again as she said this.

Abel glanced at her and sighed. He brought her closer to her, putting his arm around her.

"We'll get through this, don't worry.." Abel tried to comfort her. He had no idea what would happen now, though. He just knew that she needed comfort right now.

"Maybe we could try a recovery center? I promise I'll do anything I can to help you." Abel lifted her head off of him and stared her straight in her eyes.

Dina was frightened at the thought of going into rehab. She knew she needed help, but the thought of putting effort into actually getting help sounded _exhausting_. Something inside her truly didn't want to get help.

Abel looked away from her and let out a soft sigh as he stood up.

"I'm gonna take a quick shower and get over to the clubhouse. Will you be okay without me?" He asked, looking at her to wait for a response.

She nodded slightly, without saying anything and without looking at him.

* * *

Abel walked into the clubhouse and let out a small sigh of relief as he noticed all the club members were there. _Except Jax_ , of course.

"Listen, I need everyone to come back with me. I've got something important to say," He announced, all the club members immediately stopping what they were doing and paying attention to him. They looked at each other with puzzled looks, but still did what Abel requested.

"Alright, so as you've all noticed, Jax has been missing lately," He started. He glanced up for a second, noticing Happy nodding at this statement.

"I talked to him this morning," Abel continued. Everyone in the room was concentrating solely on Abel as if nothing else in the world existed in this moment.

"He assured that me that he's fine, but he's in jail," Abel stated, which was met with immediate reactions from the club. Everyone stared frantically at each other with looks of extreme confusion.

"For what?!" Chibs almost yelled.

"He was framed for a murder. That's all he told me. He's in jail, but hasn't been officially charged with anything as of right now," Abel answered.

"You mean the guy that attacked Mabrey?" Tig asked in a hushed tone, thinking back to when Jax tortured and killed the man who attacked her.

"He didn't tell me who, but he said he was framed. That's all I know," Abel said, shaking his head.

The club members stood up one by one, making their way out back to the main room of the clubhouse without saying a word.

* * *

Jax laid down on the cold, hard bench of the jail cell and kept focus on the ceiling. He still couldn't wrap his mind around everything that's been happening. First his daughter is assaulted, then his wife leaves and has a heart attack, and now _this_. This family truly is falling apart. One by one.  _Who will be next?_

Jax shuddered as he thought about the situation he was in. He was being framed for _murder_. He could go to prison for life. A little bit of throw up came to his mouth with the thought of that.

_Ethan Zobelle_. Who the fuck is Ethan Zobelle? He swore he's never heard the name in his life. He didn't even have a guess as to who the guy might be. In fact, he didn't even know if he really even existed or if he really had been murdered. He had no fucking idea. Yet here he was, in a jail cell being accused of killing him. _What a wonderful world_. Jax rolled his eyes.

 

 

 


	8. Everything We Once Knew is Now Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas calls his mom to see how everything's going at home; Tara visits Jax.

"All our times have come. Here, but now they're gone. Seasons don't fear the reaper, nor do the wind, the sun or the rain."

\- Blue Oyster Cult,  _Don't Fear the Reaper_

* * *

"Hey, you must be Garrett?" Thomas asked, walking into the unfamiliar apartment in the unfamiliar city he had to travel a few hours to get to.

His new roommate, with thick, wavy brown hair and sparkling blue eyes stood to greet him.

"Yeah, you must be Thomas," Garrett greeted him with a smile as he shook his hand.

"Yep," Thomas answered as he returned a slight smile. He rolled his suitcase in the door completely and shut it behind him, scoping out the room he was about to live in for the next few years.

"Wanna sit down and talk a little, get to know each other?" Garrett asked, making his way to the couch toward the center of the room.

"Yeah, that'd be great," Thomas smiled, following him to the couch.

They sat down beside each other and paused a moment, not knowing what to say.

"So, tell me about yourself. Are you from around here?" Garrett questioned, breaking the silence. 

"No, I'm from Charming. It's a few hours away from here. I just graduated from high school, yesterday actually. Had a graduation party last night and hopped in the car this morning to come here. I'm gonna be starting at University of San Diego this fall," He informed him.

"Ah, yeah the apartments around here are much cheaper than living on-campus. That's why I moved in here too, I started college last fall. I'm from around here, I just needed somewhere cheap to live," He said with a smile.

Abel nodded.

"So what brought you here? No colleges in Charming?" His roommate asked.

Abel smiled a bit before answering. "There's a community college there, and I would've gone there but.. I don't think I would've been around the right environment to be able to go to school, and actually do _well_ in school," He answered honestly. 

Garrett nodded in understanding. "Broken home?" He questioned.

"Sort of. I guess you could say that," Abel replied as he let out a small chuckle. "I'd say more of dysfunctional than broken though. I mean, just this morning I woke up to everyone drunkenly passed out all over the place," He continued. "I said all my goodbyes last night because I knew it'd be like that too. I left this morning without having the chance to say anything to anyone, I just got the hell out of there and hoped they remembered I left to come here," He laughed a little more.

* * *

Mabrey sat up in her bed, slowly standing up to walk into the kitchen; something she hadn't done in a _long_  time. She was still a little bit sore with each step, but definitely improving from a week ago.

She walked down the bedroom hallway and into the kitchen, taking her steps slowly. When she made it there, she saw Gemma sitting at the kitchen table, sipping some coffee and staring out the window beside her.

"Hey, Grandma," Mabrey greeted.

Gemma grabbed her heart in shock. "Oh, Jesus, you scared me," She laughed. "Why don't you come sit down over here," She added, pointing with her eyes to the chair directly across from her.

Mabrey made her way over and slowly, stiffly sat down at the table. She, too, stared out the window a minute before saying anything.

"I just.. I can't stand it here anymore," She finally spoke.

Gemma stared at her blankly for a second.

"What do you mean, sweetheart?" Gemma asked, bringing her eyebrows closer together in confusion.

"This place," She paused a second. " I just have so many bad memories associated with it now," She fidgeted with her hands as she spoke.

Gemma swallowed hard and stared down at the coffee sitting inside her  warm mug.

"I understand what you're saying," She answered, giving Mabrey an empathetic look. "I felt the same way for a while. Eventually I moved on, realized that the place that had destroyed me was the very same place that glued me back together."

Mabrey stared blankly at the kitchen table, not knowing what to think about this. She despised this place _so much_  now. A shiver ran down her back whenever she thought about it. About those _monsters_. She felt like she needed to move somewhere far, far away from this place. She started to cry, starting with one single tear and transforming into a montage of tears. 

"Oh, honey. Come here," Gemma said, standing up and extending her arms to give Mabrey a hug. It pained her to see Mabrey like this, she couldn't stand it. Everytime she saw the pain and suffering in Mabrey's eyes she wanted so badly to bring that man back to life and kick the living shit out of him.

* * *

After fully recovering in the hospital, Tara called a taxi and made her way to the jail to talk to Jax. She was nervous the whole way there, butterflies flying around in her stomach. Not the good kind though, more like evil butterflies. Flying around for the pure purpose of making her uncomfortable. She had no idea what to say to him. She didn't even know if he _wanted_  to see her, considering the last time they saw each other was when she ran away after insulting him and his club.

She walked into the jail, where she was taken to a back room with a metal table and plastic chairs on both sides of it. She sat down and waited, until eventually a police officer escorted Jax into the room with handcuffs. The officer pulled out the chair for Jax, and left once Jax sat down. 

The few moments of awkward silence that developed felt like forever. Neither of them knew what to say to each other, or even where to begin. Tara made eye contact with him for the first time, her eyes watering.

"I'm sorry about what I said to you before. I, I didn't mean-" 

"I know, Tara. I know. You were angry. I'm angry too," He said with a deep raspiness to his voice.

Tara looked up at him and then back to the ground again.

"Why are you in here?" Tara asked calmly.

Jax half-rolled his eyes, looking angrily up to the ceiling. 

"I was framed for a murder," He explained. "I don't even know the bastard."

Tara swallowed hard and her heart started racing. "Murder of who?" She said quickly, not really wanting to know the answer. She knew from the second he said the word 'murder' who it was.

Jax threw his shoulders up in frustration. "Some man named Zobelle. Never even heard of the fuckin' guy," He answered.

Tara's eyes widened a little as a look of terror came across her face. She knew already who it was, but hearing him confirm her assumption just completed it. She felt sick to stomach, ten times more intense than on her way here. She felt like she was going to puke.

"Um, I have to go, Jax.." She said frantically, standing up and exiting the room.

* * *

Thomas laid on the bed of his new apartment bedroom, staring up at the ceiling. Something didn't seem right to him. He thought someone from his family or the club would've tried to get a hold of him by now. They probably knew he was going to be busier than hell with moving in and getting things ready for college and everything, but _still_.. those people are crazy about keeping in touch with their club family. 

He reached for his cell phone in his pocket and he dialed his mom's number. Waiting a few rings, she answered.

"Hello?" Her exhausted voice questioned.

"Hey ma. It's Thomas," He greeted.

"Oh, oh wow. Hey Thomas," She tried to sound enthusiastic.

"You sound surprised.. is everything alright? I haven't talked to any of you since I moved," He stated.

"Yeah, um.. yeah Thomas. Everything's fine. It's been a little bit of a rough patch for the club, but other than that everything's fine. Hey, um, I really would love to talk to you more, but I gotta get home to Mabrey. I'm sorry honey, I'll call you back later. I love you," She said with a gentle voice.

With that they both hung up. Thomas threw his phone to the floor, squeezing his eyes shut in anger. He _knew_  something was wrong. His mom didn't sound at all like she usually does. She sounded worried. Frazzled. He knew something wasn't right and he wanted to know why.

* * *

"Dina, please promise me you'll go through with this," Abel pleaded to his girlfriend. 

Dina looked down at the track marks on her arm for a second. She loved Abel, she just didn't feel ready to recover yet. She could see her addiction gradually getting more and more worse, but she just didn't seem to _care_. That's what frightened her the most.

"I'll.. I'll try," She promised with a slight nod.

Abel could tell her words weren't sincere. She couldn't even look him in the eyes as she said it. She was lying to herself and she knew it.

He let out a soft sigh.

"Is there something keeping you from wanting to get better?" He questioned with a hard voice.

Dina looked up at him, shocked by his question. She wanted to be honest with him though.

"Abel. Please understand this is not your fault, I've had this problem for quite a while. And when I met you, I.. felt loved for once. Wanted. And trust me, I've tried many times to quit since I met you. But I can't.  I just fucking _can't_ ," She spoke through tears.

Abel gulped and gave her a small nod. He stood up and walked out the door without saying a word.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. All Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara tells Gemma why Jax is in jail; Mabrey is starting to heal physically.

"In case you didn't know, dead people don't bleed. If you can bleed-see it, feel it-then you know you're alive. It's irrefutable, undeniable proof. Sometimes I just need a little reminder."

-Amy Efaw,  _After_

* * *

Tara sat at the kitchen table, lighting a joint as she stuck it in her mouth. Her chest dropped as she exhaled slowly, focusing on the cloud of smoke that sluggishly grew bigger and bigger. She fumbled the small BIC lighter around in her hand and she took another large draw from the joint. She picked up her cell phone and she began to dial the queen of SAMCRO’s number as she let out the mouthful of smoke carefully. 

“Hello?” The voice on the other line answered.

“Hey Gem,” Tara greeted. “We need to talk. Can you come over?” 

“Yeah.. yeah, sure. I've got time,” Gemma answered hesitantly.

“Alright. See you soon,” Tara said as she hung up the phone, smashing her joint into the ashtray that sat in the middle of the table.

She sat back in the wooden chair, flicking the lighter on and off a few times. She dropped the lighter on the table, leaning in to rest her head on her elbow as she ran her hand through her soft, perfectly-waved dark brown hair. The past few days had felt like a continuous nightmare for her. The past few _weeks_ , actually. It was like everything had spiraled out of control all at once, not giving her any kind of warning of what might happen. Even her own actions came without warning and surprised her so badly she felt as if she couldn't even live with herself anymore. She felt so psychotic, like it wasn't even herself living in her own body anymore. She knew she had made the whole situation much worse by leaving that night and killing Zobelle. She knew it so fucking well that it ate at her non-stop until she had the chance to get a drink or a joint to bring her somewhat out of reality. 

Gemma knocked on the door just then, spooking Tara and causing her to jump slightly. Tara stood up and opened door, barely looking at Gemma as she walked in. They sat down at the kitchen table together as the wind whistled through the warm summer air, bringing a few green leaves to thump against the glass sliding doors. Tara finally looked up at Gemma, making eye contact with her.

“Did you hear about Jax?” She asked Gemma softly.

Gemma nodded but didn't say anything. She didn't know why he was jail, but she wasn't _stupid_ \- she had a strong feeling it had something to do with what happened to Mabrey.

“Do you know why he's in jail?” Tara asked, hoping to not have to explain why. 

“No,” Gemma answered blankly. “But I've got my guesses.”

Tara looked at her with the same emotionless face she'd kept for the past weeks, dreading the conversation that was about to begin between them. She let out a small sigh before talking.

“He was.. framed. For a murder,” Tara announced, remembering the way that Jax had explained it to her.

“ _Murder_?” Gemma half-yelled, sending Tara a terrifying glare. 

Tara didn't respond, she just stared blankly ahead as she looked outside at the wind blowing through the trees. 

“Who?!” Gemma yelled, annoyed at Tara’s calmness.

Tara moved her eyes over slightly to look at Gemma, still without changing her expression. “Ethan Zobelle,” she answered dryly.

Gemma’s eyebrows lowered as she squinted her eyes in confusion. She stayed silent for a couple of minutes as she reviewed the name in her head. She had no idea who he was, or even any kind of idea of who he could possibly be. She leaned back in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest. “You know the guy?” she asked curiously.

Tara looked at her again, slowly shaking her head. “He owned some cigar shop in town. Zobelle's Cigars,” she finished, looking away again. She wanted to give away as basic of information as possible. _No one_  was going to know what actually happened.

“Does everyone else know already?” Gemma asked, deep inside wishing that she was one of the first people to find out.

“Nah,” Tara said with a breathy voice. “Just Abel, I called him and told him earlier.”

Gemma nodded, breathing in and out a large breath. “Any other suspects?”

“No,” Tara replied blankly. “Apparently they're pretty set on Jax being the culprit.”

Gemma nodded again, staring in silence for another few minutes. “Where’s Mabrey?”

“Bedroom,” Tara responded. “She's sleeping.”

“Does she know?” Gemma asked in a somewhat hushed tone.

Tara rolled her eyes. “So we're going to talk about all that shit at a normal volume but ask simple questions like that quietly?”

Gemma got another frightening, annoyed looked on her face. “Does she?” she asked with a firm voice, staring deeply at Tara as if she was trying to see through her.

“No,” Tara responded, not looking at Gemma as she said it. “And I want it to stay that way for now.”

Gemma threw her hands up in the air. “Fine,” she said harshly. “But she's gonna eventually have some questions when she notices her father's been gone for a while.” 

Tara took out another joint and lit the end of it. “I know..” she spoke quietly. She took a drag from the cigarette and let it out slowly. “Can i be alone now?”

Gemma sighed, standing up from the table. She situated her purse strap on her shoulder and left the house, mumbling angrily to herself as she walked to her car.

* * *

Abel rode along the highway on his motorcycle, helmetless and with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He felt so free, so disconnected from the world. He dreaded the moment when he would have to transition back into reality. He dreaded when he would have to go back home and see Dina, possibly drugged up and passed out. He loved her but he didn't want to have to deal with this. He greatly missed the times of pure bliss they used to have; when the only problem that existed between them was deciding whose house to go home to and crash at for the night. 

He sped down the highway, passing every car that came to sight. He let out a sigh as he came to his exit. He rode to the nearest gas station, parking his bike in the closest parking space available in front of the gas station. He hopped off his bike and went over to the side of the gas station building, leaning against it as he finished his cigarette. Taking puffs from it, he thought about Dina. _Damn_ , he loved that girl. He loved her so goddamn much. That's what he hated most about this situation, he truly loved her. If he didn't have feelings for her, he would be able to just leave this whole situation without feeling heartbroken. 

He finished his cigarette, dropping it the sidewalk and smashing it down with his boot. He got back up on his bike and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. This is the part that he was most dreading about this night- having to eventually come home to Dina and not knowing what kind of state she might be in. He opened his eyes and stared up to the sky for a couple of seconds, mentally preparing himself for what might come after the few minute ride to his house. He rode away, quickly reaching his destination. He got off his bike and walked up to the door, unlocking it with his key as he hoped for the best. 

“Dina?” he asked, walking in.

Dina came walking around the corner of the hallway, dressed up in a tight, black dress with her hair and makeup done. “Hey babe,” she smiled, kissing his cheek.

“Well look at you,” Abel said with sincerity. He was genuinely surprised, he had no idea what kind of condition she would be in when he came home. He was so glad to see her like this, she was practically glowing with happiness. “What brought this on?”

“Just wanted to look good for my man,” she giggled. “Maybe we could go out and do something, like dinner or a movie?” 

“For a queen like you, how about both?” he said with a twinkle in his eyes as he kissed her back, this time on the mouth.

* * *

Mabrey stood up off her bed, walking with more ease than before. She walked into the kitchen to find her mother sitting at the table with a sullen look on her face, looking like she hadn't slept in days. She approached her slowly, studying the noticeable decline in her mom's appearance. She looked so restless and so pale, much thinner than she remembered. 

“Hey mom,” she greeted softly, sitting down across from her at the table.

“Hey honey,” she said in a whispery tone. “How are you doing?”

“Alright,” she answered, though even she didn't believe herself as she said that. “I think I might go and try taking a shower.”

“Yeah?” Tara responded, her mouth forming into a small smile. She was happy that Mabrey was able to get up and walk around every so often, and that she was talking a little bit more. She had been worried that she would stay bedridden for a long time.  

Mabrey nodded. She felt so anxious around everyone now, like she was nervous to even be around her family. She felt so exposed and so embarrassed that so many people knew what happened to her. But why? Why is it _me_  who feels embarrassed when he's the one who did something wrong? She watched outside as the light rain wisped through the air, creating a feeling of comfort and calmness. She stood up to go take a shower, smiling to her mom as she left the room. She walked into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. She stood in front of the mirror as she brushed through her long, shiny blonde hair. She grabbed a towel out of the cabinet to set it out for when she finished with her shower. She rid of her clothes as she stepped into the shower, turning the painfully cold water on until it slowly turned warm. She leaned her head back into the water, feeling the warm sensation as it ran down her face and her body. She started to cry, thinking back to when she truly enjoyed life. When she enjoyed the small things like this, took the small things for granted and didn't even realize how much the joy in her life was worth. She quickly turned into a sobbing mess, crying out loud as the water fell down on her face. Before she knew it she was sitting on the shower floor, the water hitting directly on the center of her head. “Look at me, I'm so worthless now,” She thought to herself. She brought both of the palms of her hands to eyes to rub them, pulling them to the sides of her head as her eyelids squeezed tight to a straight line. 

She sat there in the same position for a few minutes, crying her eyes out. She spotted the shaving razor on the side of tub, and without knowing at all why, she grabbed it. She didn't even think about it beforehand, she just grabbed it. She started uncontrollably crying, falling back against the wall as she slightly curled up into a ball. She took the razor to her upper thigh, pressing down hard and bringing it stiffly across in a line. Her crying slowed down as she stared at the cut, watching as the blood trickled out. She felt a relaxation come over her, a relief. She took deep breaths, feeling the anxiety leave her body. She turned off the shower water and simply sat there for a few minutes, as all of the energy previously used for crying now turned into tiredness. She stood up and got dressed into the clothes she was wearing before- plain black sweatpants and a navy SAMCRO sweatshirt. It was summer and warm outside, but the sweatpants and sweatshirt made her feel comfy and cozy. Protected from the harsh world she had experienced for the past few weeks. She walked out of the bathroom and into her bedroom, laying down on the bed. She let out a deep breath as she closed her eyes and quickly fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

“Is there any way I can get out of here?” Jax asked officer Hale through the bars of the cold, almost empty jail cell.

Hale shook his head. “Unless someone confesses to murdering him,” he told Jax. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jax asked with anger. “No one's ever gonna confess to that. I didn't fucking do it,” Jax said in a manner that almost intimidated Hale. 

Hale swallowed hard as he avoided eye contact with Jax. “Well, I'll try to do what I can for you.” 

“That's bullshit,“ Jax retorted almost immediately. “I didn't do it and we both know that.”

Hale shrugged. “You've been know to do some-”

Jax interrupted him. “Would you stop with that shit? I have no connections whatsoever with that guy. I don't do things to innocent people I don't know.”

Hale just stayed quiet and nodded. He walked away, not wanting to have anything more to do with that conversation. He wasn't sure whether or not Jax was telling the truth, but he knew that _someone_  had to be responsible for the death.

Jax slammed his hands loudly against the metal bars as he leaned his head against them for a second. He stood up and walked over to the poor excuse for a bed they provided him with and tried to go to sleep.

* * *

Gemma laid in bed with Clay unable to fall asleep. She had been awake all night tossing and turning as her thoughts haunted her. Her thoughts were in control of her, making her paranoid of unrealistic things and making her think about things non-stop to the point where she couldn't focus on anything else. She looked over at the nightstand and checked the clock. 1:53 AM. She huffed in frustration, rolling over to the other side again in a useless attempt to try and get some sleep.

“Clay?” she said out loud, trying to wake him so she could talk to him.

He didn't respond. She wanted so badly to tell him, but she knew he probably knew already. In fact, being the _president_  of Sons of Anarchy, he was probably the first to find out. But why wouldn't he tell her if he knew? Gemma felt like she was growing further and further away from Clay lately, ever since things with the club started getting bad. He quit talking to her as much, and he always seemed so occupied mentally now. She knew he was keeping a lot of secrets from her; he never talked about club business with her, no matter what it was. 

She sighed, not bothering to try again to wake him up. She could feel them drifting apart so much that it hurt. She couldn't stand him being so distant with her. She closed her eyes, finally falling asleep.


	10. Light in the Midst of Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good new arises; Thomas decides to go back to Charming.

"Life is at its best when everything has fallen out of place, and you decide that you're going to fight to get them right, not when everything is going your way and everyone is praising you."

-Thisuri Wanniarachchi

* * *

Abel and Dina woke up the next morning lying closely next to each other on Abel's bed, happier than they've been in a long time. They spent a night together that felt almost magical, and neither one of them brought up any of the problems that they’d been having. They forgot all about their troubles as they fell deeper in love with each other.

“Good morning, sexy,” Abel said to Dina with a smile.

“Good morning to you too,” she replied, kissing his forehead.

Abel stood up out of bed, wearing nothing but his boxers. Happiness filled his heart as he reached into the pocket of the pants he was wearing last night. He grabbed something out of them and looked to Dina. 

“Come here, babe,” he said gently as a glowing smile appeared on his face. 

Dina smiled big as she looked slightly confused but very happy, standing up to make her way to Abel. She was wearing a pair of black, lacy panties and an over-sized SAMCRO t-shirt that belonged to Abel. She hugged Abel and gave him another kiss. “What is it?” she asked joyfully.

Abel knelt down in front of her, taking the box from behind his back to the front of his body as he watched Dina’s reaction carefully. He opened the box and watched as Dina's face quickly lit up with surprise and she gave him a huge smile as her eyes sparkled.

“Dina,” he started. “I know we haven't been dating for real long, and I know things haven't been going so smoothly lately,” he said shyly. “But I love you a lot, and I know the feelings mutual,” he said with a smile. “And I can't imagine ever being without you. I love you so much, and I always will. And I would be very, very honored, if you would give me the privilege of being married to you.” 

Dina let out a laugh of excitement as her eyes watered with tears of joy. “Of course I will,” she said, her voice overflowing with pure happiness. Her heart fluttered as Abel placed the ring onto her finger and stood up to hug her.

“I love you so much,” Abel whispered quietly into her ear as they hugged.

* * *

 Music played throughout the clubhouse as the smell of booze and cigars filled the air. Everyone who usually attended the parties were there at the clubhouse, including some new crow-eaters who didn't look a day over twenty. No one had found out about Abel and Dina's engagement yet, and they wanted to keep it that way for now. They wanted them to know eventually, but they wanted to wait for the perfect time.

“Hey sweetheart,” Gemma said to Mabrey, surprised. “Glad to see you,” she added, kissing Mabrey’s forehead as she sat down on a barstool next to her.

Mabrey gave her a small smile. “Hey.” 

“How've you been feeling?” Gemma questioned with some concern in her voice.

“Alright,” Mabrey answered quietly. “Just kind of.. emotional.”

Gemma nodded. “You have a right to be,” she said with a soft, yet serious tone. “You let out any emotions you need to.” she said with a stiff face.

The sound of glasses clanging interrupted them. They both turned around to look near the center of the bar, to see Donna and Opie both standing there clanging forks against their glasses.

“Attention everyone,” Opie yelled.

The noise slowly came to a stop as Donna waited before saying anything. 

“In the midst of all the bad news and all the tragedy that's happened around here, Ope and I have some good news,” she stated, smiling at Opie. She paused a minute before talking again. “I'm pregnant,” she announced with a smile.

Everyone paused in shock for a second, but then all at once, everyone clapped and cheered for the couple as they processed the good news.

“Atta boy,” Happy exclaimed rowdily as he stood up and gave Opie a pat on the back.

“Congratulations,” Mabrey said as she smiled and gave Donna a hug. Mabrey was very wary around everyone lately, but not around Donna. She just seemed _safe_  to her. This was the first time she gave a genuine smile since everything happened, and it comforted the club members who saw it. Her smile had a kind of pain, a brokenness to it, but it was the happiest she's looked in a while.

“Thank you, sweetie,” Donna replied, hugging her tightly. 

Gemma tapped Mabrey's shoulder and motioned toward the barstools they previously occupied with a questioning look on her face. Mabrey nodded gently, walking with Gemma toward the bar. They sat down together again as everyone else congratulated and made small talk with Donna and Opie. 

“I just wanted to let you know you can always talk to me,” Gemma stated warmly. “Day or night, I'm here for you.”

Mabrey looked at Gemma gratefully. All she wanted lately was for people to show her compassion. She wanted nothing more than for someone to have  support and understanding for her. “Thanks grandma, I'll remember that.”

Gemma smiled with empathy. She knew how it felt to go through this, and she wouldn't wish it on _anyone_. She knew she needed to do anything she possibly could to help her granddaughter. 

“Does everyone know?” Mabrey asked her.

Gemma nodded slowly. “I don't think they all know the details of what happened, but they all know something happened.” 

Mabrey looked at Gemma and nodded. She didn't know if she liked the idea of them knowing or not. It was something very personal and private to her, especially considering that she was a very private person in general. On the other hand, something in her just wanted _everyone_  to know, without her actually having to say anything. She just wanted and needed so much support and so much love right now that she wanted it to come from everyone possible. Even the simple, gentle looks of empathy that a few of the club members had given her as she entered the clubhouse meant so much to her. 

“I want you to know that the club is also willing to do _anything_  that you want or need. They all support you and care about you,” Gemma added kindly.

Tears started to form in Mabrey's eyes. After the vicious attack she went through, it seemed almost impossible that humans could be anything but brutal. 

“Are you alright sweetheart?” Gemma asked, noticing her tears.

Mabrey nodded. “I just needed to hear that right now,” she answered. 

Gemma smiled warmly and hugged her, rubbing her back as she cried.

* * *

 Thomas and his roommate sat in the living room of their apartment as they watched “Family Guy” together on their television. Thomas was staring at the television screen, but he wasn't actually watching; he couldn't focus. His mind was cloudy as he thought about his family back in Charming. 

“Hey, can I talk to you?” Thomas asked suddenly, taking Garrett by surprise.

“Yeah. Sure,” he answered. “What's up?”

Thomas stared at the wall behind Garrett, collecting his thoughts in his mind before he talked.

“You know how I told you about my family a little bit when I first moved in?” He questioned, still not looking directly at Garrett. 

Garrett nodded curiously.

“I haven't heard from them since I came here. I mean, I called my mom, but we only talked for a minute. She sounded so worried and stuff. Not about me, but about something else,” he stated. 

Garrett looked at Thomas, confused. “Do you know what it might be?”

Thomas shook his head. “I can tell it's something big though. Just the way she sounded, I could tell.” 

Garrett stayed silent as he stared at Thomas, reading his facial expressions.

“I think I'm gonna have to go back,” Thomas said plainly. “Maybe not permanently, but just to see what's going on.”

Garrett still stared blankly at him. It was obvious that Thomas had a lot on his mind. “Yeah. That's fine,” he assured him. “Take as long as you need, I'll keep your room open to you unless you say otherwise.”

* * *

 “Jax, I've got some good news for you,” officer Hale announced as he walked up to Jax’s cell.

Jax raised his eyebrows as he heard Hale. _Good_  news? Hale never had good for him, or for anyone associated with his club, for that matter. He stood up and walked to the front of the jail cell, ready to hear what he had to say.

“During our investigation we went through texts and calls from Zobelle's cellphone. It turns out he had business with someone the night he was murdered. We interviewed him and the story he gave us turned out to be a lie. You're free to go,” Hale told him, opening up the jail cell.

Jax got a surprised look on his face as he slowly stepped out of the cell. His life was changed in this moment. He thought he was going to have to spend the rest of his life in jail, or at least a _very_ long time. But he was _free_. No longer did he have to worry about not being able to be there for Mabrey, or not being able to help out with club business. He's _free_. He walked over to the phone so he could call and announce his freedom to the club. He dialed Chib’s number, which happened to be the first memorized number that came to mind. 

“Hello?” The heavily accented man said as he answered his phone. 

“Chibs, hey,” Jax answered with a rush and an excitement in his voice.

“Jackie Boy? What are doin’ callin’ me?” he asked with a surprised tone.

“I'm out of jail,” Jax answered with happiness pouring out his voice. He almost sounded unsure too, like he was in disbelief that this was actually happening.

Chibs was silent for a moment as he took in the news, very surprised as well. He turned around and at the entrance of the clubhouse, he announced loudly to everyone that “Jackie Boy’s coming home!” 

Jax heard muffled cheering and hollering through the phone and he smiled with joy in his eyes. He felt so relieved in this moment, like all of his troubles had been lifted from him all at once. But there were still some troubles.  Mabrey and Tara. He didn't stop thinking about either one of them for even a second as he was in the jail cell. He felt so bad for both of them, and he felt responsible for everything. Maybe Tara was right, maybe they should've gotten away from the club life a long time ago. He felt so bad for everything that's happened that he didn't know how to express his sorrow for them. He was devastated when he found out about Mabrey's attack and that Tara had a heart attack, but he he teared up even when he just thought about it, let alone talked about it. He felt so _guilty_. How could he let one of his children be so violated and hurt? And how could he just sit back and be silent back when his wife was in the hospital from a heart attack? It was easier for him to feel angry rather than hurt. The anger was so passionate, so real. But he needed to turn that anger into compassion and have some support for his family. They had never felt so far apart as they did now, and it needed to change. 

* * *

 Abel loaded up his luggage into the trunk of his car and closed it with a loud slam. He didn't know how long he was going to be gone, or if he was ever going to be coming back. He knew that whatever happened was drastic. His family was _never_  this distant and his mother never seemed as in disarray as she did when he talked to her on the phone. He got in the car and he started driving. 


	11. Loose Ends Tied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jax attempts to make things better with his family; Tara shares a dark part of her life with Mabrey.

Jax, Tara, and Mabrey all sat together at the kitchen table in an uncomfortable silence. They hadn’t all been together like this since before their lives had been filled with utter chaos, and the uncomfortableness of the moment showed this. Before all of this had happened, they used to be a happy family who stuck together and supported each other through the hard times. They believed they still had it in themselves to be close-knit again, but also knew it would take a lot of work and communication. They had let their immediate emotions get the best of them, and the result of this was being shown now.

 

They sat there, still silent, and waited for one another to do or say something. None of them wanted to be the one to break the silence. Mabrey felt like she shouldn’t have to do much talking at all, Tara felt like she had things she needed to say but didn’t want to speak about them yet, and Jax knew he had a  _ lot  _ he needed to say and also knew that he should be the one to speak up first. He sat back, folded his hands on top of the wooden kitchen table, and slightly cleared his throat.

 

“Mabrey,” he began, making eye contact with her. “I am  _ very  _ sorry about everything that you’ve had to go through lately.” he spoke very slowly and strong with meaning. “I should’ve been here for you more, but I acted selfishly. I still don’t know exactly what got into me.. but please know that I’m here for you now,” he paused. “If you need  _ anything  _ from me, tell me. From now on I am completely here for you darling.”

 

Mabrey’s eyes watered up and she suddenly felt that warm, cozy feeling inside that people are always talking about. She felt protected; she felt safe for once. She nodded at her father without saying anything.

 

“And Tara,” he continued, shifting his eyes over to his wife. “I haven’t exactly been here for you, either. I apologize. I should have responded more caringly to your heart attack.”

 

Tara looked at him for a moment but felt uncomfortable with actually making eye contact with him. She knew she should probably tell him about what she did to the guy at the cigar shop, but she knew it would just cause another big mess. This secret was going down to the grave with her.

 

“Thank you,” she responded quietly. She didn’t really know what to say. She had a  _ huge  _ secret that she couldn’t tell a soul. Most of the time she was honest with Jax and would go to him whenever she had a problem or something that she needed to just simply talk about, but this time it was way too bad. Or was it? Jax has murdered many people in his life so far, how could he get mad at her for murdering one person? Still, she couldn’t take that risk. She planned to keep this secret to herself forever. 

 

They sat there in another moment of silence, collecting their thoughts. They all felt relieved for the most part, while Tara had mostly guilt and regret on her mind. She hated that she had this deep, dark secret that she couldn’t share with anyone- not even the person she loved the most.

Just then they heard a knock on their front door. Not a heavy, forceful knock, but rather the calm, double-knock that you would hear from a salesperson or a friendly neighbor. They all exchanged confused looks with each as they remained seated- it was nine o’clock at night and they weren’t expecting any company, who the hell would be knocking at their door now? 

 

Jax slowly stood up as he still looked back and forth between Mabrey and Tara, puzzled. He walked up to the door, twisted the cold, metal doorknob, and was soon very surprised by the sight before his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again, readjusting his sight in case he had misinterpreted his vision. He realized that what he saw was in fact what he thought he had first seen.

 

“Thomas?” he finally asked with heavy confusion in his voice. None of them had seen or heard from Thomas since he left for college, aside from Tara’s very short conversation with him that no one else knew about. The last time they had all seen him was the night before he left when they had all been bombarding him with their ‘goodbye’ speeches and toasts, knowing that they would be too hungover to say goodbye to him in the morning. They had definitely all been thinking about him, but figured that for now ignorance was bliss; they didn’t want Thomas to be overwhelmed with the knowledge of everything that had happened since he had left. 

 

“Dad, hey,” he greeted back, also feeling slightly shocked even though he fully realized that he would be seeing a family member once the door opened. However, he could tell there was something different about his dad- he appeared to have a somewhat hardened face and a solemn look about him. Realizing this and thinking back to his strange conversation with his mom, he put two and two together and just knew that some sort of tragedy had struck within his family.

 

Thomas started to step inside the house, Jax backing up to allow him to walk all the way inside. Thomas looked around at the house. It was exactly the same it had been the day that he had last seen the house; only the people inside the house seemed different. He looked around the corner and saw his mother and sister sitting at the table. He noticed the same sadness in the two of them- a depressed seriousness that seemed to have developed within them. He walked closer to them, waiting for them to see him and be surprised. An anticipation built up in his heart as he grew more and more nervous within the seconds it took to walk into the kitchen.

 

Tara saw Thomas first, and her facial expression was all it took to know this. Her jaw dropped open and her eyes widened with shock. “Thomas!” she exclaimed as she nearly jumped up out of her chair and hurried over to hug him. She hugged him for a few good seconds and then backed up, holding his face in both of her hands. “Did something happen at college?”

 

“No,” Thomas answered dryly. “I just had this feeling in my gut that I needed to come home to you guys,” he said honestly, staring at his mom with a look in his eyes as if his statement had been a question that he was looking for an answer to. He kept his gaze with his mother’s eyes as he saw them transform into a softness. He couldn’t tell if her eyes had been starting to water up or not, but they for sure had a sadness to them.  

 

Mabrey stood up from her seat and awkwardly started walking over to Thomas, not sure if his and their mom’s conversation was over or not. She walked up to him and hugged him from the side, feeling on her face the coldness of his jacket from the outside air. She looked up to his face and noticed a short stubble forming on his jawline- just like their father’s. She backed up a little and brushed her mom’s hand, getting her attention. “I think I’m going to head up to bed. I’m pretty tired,” she spoke softly to her mom. Her mom nodded at her. 

 

She walked out of the room and down the wide, somewhat short hallway that led to her bedroom. She walked into her bedroom and closed the door behind her, locking it. She went over to her bed and sat down on the edge of it. She gazed outside into the cold stillness of the night. She noticed how there weren’t many visible stars in the sky- she could see only three of them from where she was sitting. She looked down to the floor and tears started welling up in her eyes. Why did she feel so nervous around him? He’s her  _ brother.  _ She’s supposed to feel safe around him.  _ Right?  _ She thought back to a nightmare she had a few days ago. It took place in the backroom of the clubhouse. She was there alone, then all of a sudden all of the club members except for her father and her brother appeared, and they gang raped her. The dream was so real, she had to take a minute after she woke up to come back to reality and realize that it was only a dream. 

 

She looked down at her thighs for a second- halfway covered by the short, flowy brown dress she was wearing. She pulled the soft fabric upward, exposing more of her flesh. She looked at the pinkish-red lines and counted them.  _ Five.  _ Three of them were faint and starting to heal, while the other 2 still had scabs on them. She rested her hand on her thigh and ran her thumb over the self-inflicted scars gently. She squeezed her eyes shut and counted to ten as the memories flashed back to her.

 

* * *

The next morning Jax and Tara woke up early, feeling restless and like they hadn't slept at all. They went to the kitchen together, both of them grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting down at the kitchen table together. They stayed silent in thought, trying to wrap their minds around everything. Last night after Mabrey had went to bed, the three of them sat down together and caught up with each other. Thomas talked about how his new life was going with his apartment and new roommate, adding in the details of how stressful it can be to pay rent on time while still paying for the other necessities of life. Once he finished talking about how his life was going, he stopped and asked if something serious was going on here in Charming. Jax and Tara had both looked at each other in a loss of words, but Jax finally responded with “Just some club stuff, nothing too bad.”

 

They both knew that they were going to have to explain everything to Thomas someday, but telling him all of this information would just make it sound like a crazy story that happened in one of their dreams rather than in real life. They also had no idea how they were actually going to tell him. This isn’t one of those things that you just come out and  _ say.  _ However, it didn’t have to be  _ right now, _ right? Couldn’t they just spend this time with their son as a time to catch up and temporarily get away from the stress of their lives?     

 

They finally looked up at each other, still sipping on their coffee. Tara ran her hand through her hair and looked at Jax as if she wanted to say something.

 

“Do you think maybe you could take Thomas to go do something today, so I can talk to Mabrey alone?” She wanted to have some alone time with Mabrey so that they could have a heart-to-heart talk about how her daughter might be feeling and about all of the emotions she might be having. She also wanted to tell her daughter about one of her own personal experiences, something that she had never really talked about with many people before.  

 

Jax raised his eyes as he looked over to Tara and then nodded slightly. “Yeah, sure. I can take him to go hang out at the clubhouse.” He knew Tara probably wanted some personal time with Mabrey to offer support and comfort for what she was going through, so he didn’t ask any questions. Besides, Thomas would probably enjoy going over to the clubhouse and catching with all of the SAMCRO members and associates. 

 

“Thanks,” Tara replied with a small smile. She stood up and brought her coffee cup over to the kitchen sink, putting her hand on Jax’s shoulder as she walked by. “I love you.”

 

Jax stared down at his coffee as he swallowed hard and then very slightly smiled. “Love you too honey.” Things were awkward for him and Tara ever since the night that they fought and Tara left the house for a few days, but they still had a love for each other that they both knew would never fade away. 

 

Tara put her cup in the sink and made her way down the hallway to Mabrey’s bedroom. As she made her way down the hall, Thomas came out of his bedroom. “Morning, son,” Tara greeted with a smile. 

 

“Good morning mom,” he returned with a smile. 

 

Tara continued on her way to her daughter’s bedroom, opening the door with caution. She peaked inside, checking to see if her daughter was awake or not. She saw her laying down on the bed on her side, with her eyes open and staring straight ahead to the wall. 

 

“Mabrey?” Tara said softly. She opened the door a little bit more and started to walk inside, seeing Mabrey’s head lift up a little as she looked at her mother.

 

“Hey mom,” she said quietly, laying her head back down on the bed. She felt like she was in this trance of a nonstop record of the night it happened to her. She was always spacing out lately, like she was disconnected from reality.

 

Tara walked in and sat down at the edge of Mabrey’s bed. “Your dad and Thomas are about to head out to spend the day at the clubhouse, I was thinking that maybe you and me could spend some time together and talk?”

 

Mabrey sat up in her bed and looked at her mom. “Yeah, sure,” she answered. She hadn’t really talked to her mom very much lately and she figured it couldn’t hurt to. She didn’t really feel much like talking, but she trusted her mom the most right now.

 

Tara sat there a moment and looked at her daughter. She felt so damn guilty. Not only for murdering that guy at the cigar shop, but for  _ everything _ . She felt like she could have prevented all of this chaos from happening in the first place.

 

“We’re gonna head out now!” Jax yelled from the kitchen.

 

Tara looked up as if startled by his voice. “Alright, have fun!” she yelled back. A nervousness built up in her as she thought about what she wanted to say to Mabrey. She wondered if it wasn’t too late to back out now. Of course it wouldn’t be be, Mabrey didn’t even know that she wanted to talk to her about this. But wait. She felt an overwhelming feeling that she  _ needed  _ to tell her about this. She took a deep breath and made a conscious final decision that she was going to tell her now. 

 

“Honey, do you want to go sit down in the living room so we can talk?” she asked softly.

 

Her daughter nodded and started to pull the bed’s covers off of herself. “Sure.”

 

They walked out to the living room, Tara’s nerves building up more and more. Her palms started sweating and her breathing became irregular. She took deep breaths while cautiously trying to not make any noise with the heavy breathing, and kept telling herself in her mind that she would be fine. She made it to the living room, and sat down on one of the couches. Mabrey followed her, sitting down on the opposite side of the couch. 

 

“Is something wrong?” Mabrey asked, sensing her mom’s panic.

 

“Everything’s fine,” Tara answered, smiling for a second to be convincing. “Um, there’s something I want to tell you about,” she added. There was no backing out now. She was for sure going to be telling the story to her daughter.

 

Mabrey intently listened to and watched her mother, waiting for her to continue.

 

“Before I got back together with your father, I was in an abusive relationship with someone else,” she paused. “It started out normal, and he seemed normal. It quickly turned..  _ ab _ normal though. He started constantly calling me and wanting to know where I was and what I was doing. He started to get really forceful when it came to.. being intimate. I actually became pregnant while we were dating, but I secretly had abortion because I was afraid that it would mean I would have to stay with him forever. I got away from him after that, but he began to follow me wherever I went. I don’t know how, but he always found out where I was going to be and would show up there.” 

 

“Oh my god..” Mabrey half-whispered. She didn’t really know what to think. She was shocked, but also kind of honored that her mom decided to tell her about this. 

 

“I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. And I’ll always be here for you to talk if you want to,” Tara assured. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's going to be only one more chapter to this story. I have everything pretty much planned out on how it's going to end, but comment with anything you would like to see or any ideas! :)
> 
> Also, please check out my tumblr, where I post all of my fanfic stories and updates: http://fandomfanficwriter.tumblr.com/


	12. Five Years Later

_ December 10th, 2007 _

_ The past is gone, but not forgotten. We all make bad choices that we’re not proud of- some more terrible than others. We make it work though. We accept what we’ve got and we work around it. Nothing can change our past. We can learn to accept it, or we can do nothing about it and wallow in our own self-pity and self-hatred. We can choose to use the pain as strength, or we can allow it to make us weaker. I’m choosing to turn mine into strength. _

_ -Jackson Teller _

* * *

 

_ December 11th, 2007 _

 

“Can I get you guys anything else?” Mabrey asked, setting down a tray of three Matadors on the table.

 

“No, we’re good. Thank you sweetie,” one of the men answered with a smile as he handed her a ten dollar tip.

 

“Thanks,” Mabrey replied as she returned the smile and slid the money into her apron. As she was placing it in, she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. “Sorry, excuse me,” Mabrey whispered to the men as she walked to the back of the bar and out of the backdoor.

 

“Hello?” she asked, taking a cigarette out of her pocket and lighting it.

 

“Hey, sweetheart,” Gemma answered. “How’s it going?”   
  


“Hey grandma. Everything’s good, just at work,” she said, taking a drag from her cigarette. “Don’t worry though, I’ve got time to talk. I’m taking a smoke break.”

 

“I’m just callin’ to check up on you, make sure there’s no one I’m gonna have to drive five hours down the state so I can kick their ass,” Gemma laughed.

 

“Sorry grandma, no ass kicking is needed here in Torrance,” Mabrey returned the laugh. “School’s been going good. I’ll be graduating next spring, and I’m doing an internship at some elementary school here next semester.” 

 

“That’s great,” Gemma beamed. “So you still likin’ it there at  _ El Camino _ College?” she added with a fancy twist to the name ‘El Camino.’

 

“Yeah, it’s great,” Mabrey answered honestly. “It feels good to be far away from all those damn memories. No offense.”

 

“None taken, sweetie. Should we be expecting you here for Christmas this year?”

“Yeah of course,” Mabrey’s voice softened. “I’ll be coming up in about a week and a half.”

 

“That’s great,” Gemma responded. “Well, I’ll let you get back to work now. I love you, Mabrey.”

 

“Love you too, grandma,” she said as she hung up the phone. She dropped her cigarette to the ground and smashed it in with her shoe, and she released a small sigh as she returned to the bar and began tending to customers again.

* * *

 

_ December 15th, 2007 _

 

“Hey everyone!” Donna exclaimed as she walked into the clubhouse holding her little girl’s hand and walking beside Opie. “Long time no see.”

 

“Hey,” Jax hollered as he walked up to the couple and gave them both genuine hugs. “Hey, Mia,” he added as he crouched down and stuck his arms out for a hug. 

 

“Uncle Jax,” Mia effused as she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. Jax hugged her back tightly and then laughed as he stood up and placed his hand on top of her head to mess up her hair.

 

“So how you guys been?” Jax asked. He hadn’t seen them for about a year or so now. Opie safely left the club to focus on his family, and Jax respected that; in fact, he probably would’ve done the same if he didn’t have such strong family connections with the club.

 

Opie sighed. “Pretty damn great,” he let out a small laugh. “I have everything I could have ever asked for; a wonderful wife and a wonderful daughter. And who knows what might have happened by now if I hadn’t left the club,” he said as he uncomfortably looked down and squeezed his wife’s hand.

 

Jax looked off into the distance and slowly nodded his head. “Well, nice to see you again brother.”

* * *

 

_ December 19th, 2007 _

 

“Hey Dina, I’m home!” Abel yelled at he walked through the front door of his and his wife’s house, hanging up his kutte and and taking off his gun and boots.

 

With wet hair and a soft, white robe tied just above her tummy, Dina walked to the front room to greet Abel. “Hey,” she said with a glowing smile, leaning in for a kiss.

 

“Hey babe,” Abel responded as he returned the kiss. “And hey baby,” he added with a smile as he leaned down to kiss Dina’s baby bump.

 

“How was work?” she asked as she rubbed her hand over her pregnant belly.

 

“I missed you two the whole time.”

* * *

 

_ December 21st, 2007 _

 

“Welcome to the club, son,” Jax expressed joyously as he stood up to hand over a kutte to Thomas and hug him.

 

The rest of the club cheered, hollered, and clapped as Thomas put the kutte on over his plain white t-shirt. 

 

“Thanks, everyone,” Thomas gleamed. “Y’know, my time at college was great and all, but I’ve realized how important my family is to me. I want to someday continue my father’s legacy along with Abel just as my father has done for his father. I’m going to put everything I have into this club,” he expressed as everyone began nodding their heads in agreement and clapping again.

* * *

 

_ December 25th, 2007 _

 

“Merry Christmas, babe,” Jax avowed as he gave Tara a kiss on her cheek. “Ready to make a toast to the family?”

 

Tara nodded with a smile. She picked up her champagne glass and clinked a fork against it. “Hey, everyone, Jax and I would to make a toast,” she shouted.

 

Everyone quieted down and looked over to the happy couple, anxious to hear what they had to say.

 

“You’ve all been so wonderful this year,” Jax began in a serious tone. “Mabrey, you amaze me so much with how far you’ve come. And Abel, you’ve been doing so well with the club. Your grandfather would be proud,” he said with a smile as he looked over at his oldest son. “And Thomas, hey, I know you’ll do great as well. You’re both such strong leaders,” he paused. “And to all my SAMCRO brothers, I don’t know what I’d do without you guys. We kick ass together,” he said with a laugh. He paused again and looked over to Tara to see if she had anything to say.

 

“I’m just so proud of all my kids,” she announced as she looked over at all three of them. “Congratulations to Abel and Dina, who are going to make us first-time grandparents,” she added as everyone cheered. “And Dina, you’ve been clean for over two years now. That’s quite an accomplishment,” she stated with a smile. She looked down at her glass of champagne and then looked up at Jax.

 

“To strong family bonds and to knowing that we can make it through anything that comes our way, Merry Christmas!” he exclaimed, raising his glass.

* * *

 

_ March 15th, 2008 _

_ Family should be the most important thing in a person’s life. Forget about all the messiness, forget about all the drama- family comes first. Tara and I have found out that we’re going to have another baby together. I can’t pretend that this club hasn’t caused my family and I a tremendous amount of anger and hurt, and I don’t want this experience to be the same for this baby- which is why I have decided to follow Opie’s footsteps and leave the club. I’m sorry, but I just can’t bring another child into this club knowing the pain it has brought to the rest of my family. I’ve talked to Abel and Thomas already, and they are deciding to stay with the club. I understand and respect that. They’ll continue the Teller legend of SAMCRO with honor. _

_ The king is gone but not forgotten. _

_ Goodbye brothers, and goodbye Charming. _

_ -Jackson Teller _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has stuck around and read my whole story! If you want to keep up with updates about other stories that I have on here, please check out my tumblr at http://fandomfanficwriter.tumblr.com/  
> Thank you again!


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